


These phantom whispers never let me sleep

by MissTinfoilHat



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Depression, Dysfunctional Family, Dysfunctional Relationships, Emotinally unstable Anko, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Family, Family Issues, Fluff and Smut, Friendship, Hatake Kakashi-centric, Healing, How Do I Tag, Hurt Kakashi, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Kinda, M/M, Major Character Injury, Naruto is Just Naruto, No Underage Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Abuse, Past Torture, Rare Pairings, Serious lack of ninjas, Sickfic, partially blind kakashi, poor kakashi, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2020-07-29 00:56:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20073493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissTinfoilHat/pseuds/MissTinfoilHat
Summary: Kakashi Hatake is a teacher in a public high school. His inability to properly care for himself, his often pitch-black outlook on life and his apathetic mood is of great concern to his fellow teachers and now, also his new students. Will they be able to put him back together as his dark past comes back to rip him apart?





	1. Down is the new up

**Author's Note:**

> Aaaayo. Hi. So, I did, as recently as yesterday, tell myself that I wasn't going to start another story without finishing at least one of my unfinished FMA fics... So, here I am. Writing my first Naruto fanfic, without having finished even another chapter of any of the others.
> 
> Woop.
> 
> So, this is a pretty new fandom to me. I only started watching Naruto a couple of weeks ago. I've read a couple of fics too, so, I have spoiled much of the story for myself.
> 
> I doubt that every chapter will be as long as this one, but I get too excited when I've written something new, and I can't restrain myself from posting (almost) everything I've written at once.
> 
> The story is a modern universe AU without powers. I might want to write something with abilities at some point, but right now, I don't feel like I understand enough of the extreme complexity of the way of the ninjaaa. So, I don't want to do that just yet.
> 
> As always, creative liberties will be taken but explained as thoroughly as the story allows me.
> 
> ...now I'm done with explaining and excusing myself.
> 
> Warnings: This fic will contain sexual content (to an extent that I've never tried to write before), as early as this chapter. I will list active warnings at the start of every chapter, as I don't want to list everything now in the start, as I don't want to spoil anything.
> 
> ...oh, and also, I don't own anything in the Naruto universe.

It was the first day of another year at Konoha High School. Kakashi Hatake was getting a whole new class, having seen off his senior class before the summer. It was the worst day of the year for the introvert and some might say, slightly depressed, teacher. His dark green, old, _old _jeep harked in protest as he stepped on the breaks, just nearly missing the wall of the main building as he parked and rushed to get out- before he remembered that he was Kakashi Hatake, and slowed down considerably.

_'Coffee,'_ was the only thing on his mind as he slung open the door and entered the hallway that was supposed to be filled with students, teachers, nerves, anticipation, and hormones. But, he was already running late. Which, his pupils only would have to get used to. It wasn't that he was actually _trying _to be late- it just kinda happened. Somehow. Every single day.

_He was sure he'd still have time to fill his thermos though, before entering the classroom._

He did. Already twenty minutes late, he figured he could afford an extra two minutes to stop by the teacher's lounge. Hopefull that there still was some coffee left on the can, he snuck in, looking around to make sure the room was empty before entering. He located the canister with his single seeing eye, and stalked towards it, almost longingly, reaching for the vital substance.

He had only just begun to pour the rest of it into his own thermos before he heard someone step into the room behind him. Heavy footsteps revealed it to be a man. Most of their female staff would never walk in boots as heavy at those. Considering the collection of elderly ladies that were employed at the public school, he'd suspect them rendered unable to even lift their feet, clad in those enormous shoes.

Groaning silently, he recognized the footsteps of Asuma Sarutoby's, his supposed best friend. According to Asuma himself, at least.

"Kakashi, what are you doing here?" his deep voice rumbled, confirming to Kakashi that he still was very much perceptible despite years of that not necessarily being _that_ important for his own survival anymore. He'd left that life behind, but some things never changed apparently.

_You can take the boy off the streets, but you can never take the street out of the boy, _he remembered the old lady at the hospital had said when they had brought him in that day. It was probably six or seven years ago now.  
  
"Don't you have a class to teach?" Kakashi retorted, waiting for the can to empty itself into the thermos so he could get out.

"Don't _you?_ I don't have anything until the third period," the man answered gruffly. Kakashi finally turned around, having emptied the coffee can and was screwing the cork back onto his thermos, looking at the big bearded man in front of him.

"Yes, I do. So, I should probably leave now," he answered with a sheepish grin, trying to pass his friend, who reached his arm out, stopping him with a tight grip to the shoulder.

"You've been avoiding me all summer," he stated severely, peering intently at the shorter, silver-haired man. "You okay?"

"Of course," Kakashi answered without hesitation, hiding his grave discomfort from the bodily contact, even if he had known the man for the better part of his adult life by now. Also, he didn't actually have to disguise it. Asuma wasn't stupid, and even if Kakashi didn't understand it, or, didn't _want _to understand it, he _knew _him. He knew him _well._

The burly man only looked at him, feeling Kakashi's shoulder grow weak under his tight grasp and unwillingly let his evasive friend go.

"Get to class. You're already late," was all he said. His usually cheerful attitude being muffled by Kakashi's unrelenting tension.

"I know, and _you _are keeping me," he smiled almost triumphantly.

_'Goddamn Kakashi,' _the larger man thought in dissatisfaction. _'It seems like I have to start over every year with you. When will you realize that I'm not just some stranger that's prodding around in your life?'_

"G'luck," he mumbled instead, receiving a nod in appreciation from the shorter teacher, clutching his thermos as he forced the automatically closing door shut behind him.

* * *

Now thirty minutes late, he tumbled clumsily into the classroom in front of his new students, spilling some of his precious coffee on his dress shirt, which he had worn in honor of welcoming the new pupils.

_Also, a little bit to seem just slightly more professional in the athisipation of his own tardiness._

He cursed a little louder than he had meant to as the hot liquid buned his chest and grabbed at the stain, shaking it to get rid of the heat.

Twenty-five strangers turned their heads towards him, slowly recognizing him as their new teacher. He didn't bother to smile as he walked, annoyed at his own clumsiness, dumping his stuff at the teacher's desk and hung his bag over the chair. Then, he turned to the blackboard, grabbing a piece of chalk with his dominant left hand and started writing his name in increasingly enlarged letters on its surface.   
  
He turned to look at his class. "Me," he simply informed. "Sorry that I'm late. I lost my... car," he shrugged, looking across the room to assess the reaction from his suggested apology and put the chalk back on the shelf under the board when he was satisfied that no one would argue.

"I'm your teacher and... you're my students. Name?" he asked curtly, pointing at a kid in the far back.

Startled, the hooded teenager straightened his back before answering, "K-Kiba. Kiba Inuzuka, Mr. Hat-" he squinted his eyes trying to read Kakashi's horrendous handwriting. "Mr... Hata... Hat-ta-ke_..."_

"Just Kakashi."

"Sorry, Kakashi-sensei," the boy corrected himself. Kakashi was about to argue the honorific but stopped as something seemed to move under the student's grey hoodie. He watched with a cocked head as a white and brown colored puppy suddenly popped its snout out of the neck of the shirt, nuzzling against the awkwardly apologetic grin the boy set up at his contraband revealing itself.

Kakashi arched his visible brow in a questioning matter.

"Is that a service dog or something?" he asked, scratching his head under his unmanageable silver mane.

"Uh, n-no," the student answered, not offering any further explanation, feeling as the mutt kinda explained itself.

"Okay," Kakashi nodded. "I like dogs," Kakashi added, setting his attention to the overweight kid next to him as a brown-haired girl rose her hand and started to speak out of turn.

"Do you have a dog, Kakashi-sensei?"

"I have eight," he answered, not looking at her. The girl frowned suspiciously, crossing her arms.

"No, you _don't._"

"...okay," he answered, continuing his round with the kid next to dog-boy, Kiba... _something_. The first eight kids on the back row finished telling the class their names, and Kakashi turned his attention to the next row, starting with a feisty looking boy with spiky blonde hair, seated next to...

Kakashi paused. _The resemblance was uncanny._

"Naruto Uzumaki!" the spiky-haired boy announced loudly, almost jumping from his seat with anticipation.

"Huh?" Kakashi muttered as his attention got torn away from the familiar face, to his energic neighbor.

"I said, my name is Naruto Uzumaki," the boy repeated, a bit more sedated this time, but still with a big grin on his face.

_'Uzumaki, really? ...Yeah, I think I can see that.' _Kakashi thought complexed, giving the kid a confirming nod and looking to the black-haired boy next to him.

"Sasuke Uchiha," the boy answered with crossed arms, looking away from the young teacher. Kakashi wondered if he knew who he was. A sudden, uncomfortable silence engulfed the classroom, as Kakashi stared, lost in thought at the averted boy. It was finally breached by a pink-haired girl, next to Sasuke, who cleared her throat loudly to demand his recognition. Kakashi's head snapped towards her, blinking bewilderedly.

"I'm Sakura Haruno," she stated with a cheeky smile, only to be overrun by the blonde girl to her right.   
  
"...and _I'm _Ino Yamanaka, Kakashi-sensei," she chirped, hand pushing Sakura's face away in a clear display for attention.

Kakashi's notoriously tired-looking eye seemed to droop even furtherer as he muttered under his breath. "I'm already feeling overdue for a vacation."

The blonde firecracker at the end, the Uzumaki-boy, leaned over Sasuke and said something Kakashi didn't bother to try and decipher, but that clearly infuriated both of the girls as they turned their wrath to him instead of each other. The silver-haired teatcher noted that the Sakura-girl had a mean right hook.

"Kakashi-sensei, Sakura _punched _me!" Naruto called out for him. He looked on and took a sip from his coffee cup, sighing audibly as his lips parted with the mug to give an answer to the kid's taddle, simultaneously losing the motivation of staying in the same room as them.

"I don't usually condone violence," Kakashi mused. And left it at that.

"What's in his thermos?" Naruto whispered while rubbing the sore spot on top of his head, to the unimpressed Sasuke, who had great regrets of where he decided to sit that day.

They finished the petition, all twenty-five kids having presented themselves and Kakashi clapped his hands together as the last of them stated his name.

"Awesome," he said, turning his back against the class once again and started to rummage through the belonging in his bag. "I will totally remember all of them," he mumbled, finding the book he was looking for and opened it, happy to see that he had remembered to replace the school textbook with his own favorite novel. A piece of exquisite literature, called Makeout Paradise.

"If anyone has any questions for me..." he uttered, just as the bell rang, calling out for a five-minute break between classes. "...it has to wait until the next period," he concluded, melting into the surprisingly comfortable chair behind his desk.

His pupils paused and looked questioning at one another before one brave soul raised his hand. Without even looking, Kakashi knew it had to be Naruto and pointed in his direction. Mistaking it for permission to speak, he inhaled to start but got interrupted by the distracted man. "No talking, I'm on a break," he said without averting his eyes from the book.

"Kakashi-sensei, can't we just skip the break and finish five minutes early instead? You just got here," a boy Kakashi vaguely remembered was called Shikamaru said, branding himself as an annoying Besserwisser in Kakashi's book right off the bat. Not the one he was reading right now. The boy couldn't be further from one of the masterful characters in his beloved Makeout Paradise.

Kakashi didn't answer. He cherished the sanctity of the recess. The kids could leave five minutes early if they wanted to, he didn't care, as long as they didn't disturb him while reading.

The class' muted chatter could be heard through the measly five minutes before the bell rang again. Kakashi reluctantly put his book back into his bag, realizing that the whole class was watching him.

"Had a nice break?" he asked lightly, setting up a blazè smile. No one answered. _'Good,'_ he thought, _'just how I like it.' _One hand raised from the back. A dark-haired girl, with big, light, icy-blue eyes.

"Aah, Hinata-chan," he said, giving the sweet, nervous-looking girl a reassuring smile.

"Uh, Kakashi-sensei, you... you said we could ask you something, after recess," she said with a high-pitched, feeble voice.

"Yes, I did," he agreed, not able to act his indifferent self in front of such a preciously careful little girl.

"I, uh, just wondered, what happened to your eye?"

The question was innocent enough. No ill-intent behind it, but it still made the bile rise in Kakashi's stomach. He held his breath for a moment, gathering himself. All the students were watching him now, assessing him, wondering the same thing. He raised his hand and let his fingers slide over his large, black medical eye patch, making his eyelid twitch under the touch as if anticipating something unpleasant to happen to it.

"I-" he began, but stopped himself. He hated that question. He knew it would be asked every time he taught a new class, but somehow, he was never ready for it. _'What did I tell the last class again? Geez, I don't even remember. Learn to stick to one story, Kash.'_

"I lost it," he finally said, startled at his own honesty, so he decided to add, "...at the same time as my car, you know, this morning." He chided himself for chickening out. Making a joke of it as soon as something turned slightly serious. He met the steel gaze of Hinata. She was scowling at him. He scoffed, twisting his neck from side to side, loosening a couple of knots that had appeared while he was sitting down and reading.

"I'm joking, of course. But yeah, I did lose it. In an accident. It's, uh... many years ago now." He gave her a half-hearted smile and felt slightly satisfied that the frail explanation seemed to keep them from prodding any further into it.

The remainder of that period, proceeded with questions and answers, less personal and mostly directed at the students, leading into some 'getting to know you-games' he'd been given by the school counselor, which, he did not participate in. He did watch in greatly hidden entertainment as his brand new class partook in the games though, giving it their all and showing showmanship and a competitive spirit as if it was about life and death.

It was a funny lot, he thought, while the kids were playing loudly. Just then, an off-white tennis shoe came flying across the room, dangerously close to the teacher's head, slamming into the wall behind him. Kakashi's head shot up, one shocked visible eye, as he felt the sole brush against the injured side of his face. He looked in disbelief at the shoe-print that now marked the blackboard, only a couple of feet from him, then, slowly turned his head back towards the offender.

Naruto stood wide-eyed, still in his throwing stance, one tennis-shoe short from his feet.

"Aaah, Kakashi-sensei," he gasped desperately. "I just wanted to prove to Sasuke that I _did _have larger feet than him," he uttered, terrified. Kakashi vaguely remembered one of the games being about having two minutes to get in line, sorting themselves by, for example, their shoe-size. Kakashi took a deep breath through his nose and stood up, leaning forward and picked up the shoe.  
  
The kids were watching him carefully, expecting the no-nonsense man to unleash his fury on the startled blonde.

Kakashi glared at the shoe in hand with a grave expression on his face, then at Naruto who was holding his breath tensely. Kakashi shifted his gaze to Sasuke. "What's your shoe size?" he asked finally.

"6,5," Sasuke answered immediately.

Kakashi scoffed through his nose. "_Five,"_ Kakashi read condescendingly from Naruto's shoe, throwing it back to him with an ominous smirk on his lips. Naruto caught the shoe, having his features shift between relief and disappointment in a matter of seconds at his loss.   
  
"Sorry kiddo," Kakashi shrugged. His pupils hesitated for a moment. "What are you looking at? Keep... getting to know each other," Kakashi ordered them, feeling the tension release as the kids kept playing and he eased his way back with his favorite book.

_'Yeah- this is a fun bunch.'_

* * *

At lunchtime, Kakashi's head was spinning. The stress-induced migraines he frequently suffered from, had rooted itself deep down into his neck and throbbed behind his left eye today and was apparently not going _anywhere._ All he wanted was a calm, chilly place to sit by himself and enjoy the silence.   
  
So, he started to throttle up the four flights of stairs to the top classrooms, knowing from experience that nobody bothered to hang out all the way up there, in this old building with no elevator without having to. Newspaper and coffee cup in hands, he opened the door to the physics lab with his elbow, pausing at the entrance at the suspicious smell of cigarette smoke.

_'Damn.'_

"Hey, Kakashi-san."

_'Asuma.'_

"Hi, Asuma-san. My apologies, I didn't mean to disturb you." Kakashi turned to leave but stopped as he heard Asuma's kind chuckles. Somehow, they felt comforting to his exhausted ears, soothing and not agitating his headache as he'd expected any kind of sound to do.

"Don't be silly," Asuma laughed, before realizing that he was caught smoking on school grounds,_ inside, _never the less_, _and hid the fuming cancer stick behind his back, coughing innocently into his clenched fist.

"Hiding from your dad?" Kakashi smirked at his frantic friend. "Scared that he'll catch you smoking?" He came to stand beside the tall man by the window, peering out at moving umbrellas and raincoat covered students as they stepped between puddles and chatted loudly amongst themselves.

"Shut up," Asuma scolded humorously and gave Kakashi's shoulder a friendly nudge. "It's not my fault that my father's the principal," he muttered exasperatedly.

"But, you're the one who decided to teach at the same school as him," Kakashi pointed out.

"I didn't really have that much of a choice. He gave me the job, after all. Anyway, you know he knows that I smoke."

"Yeah, I'm only teasing."

Asuma peered out the window, pointing towards the shed where the students, or teachers, could park their bicycles. Kakashi followed his fingers with his gaze.

"He first caught me over there, actually, nearly fifteen years ago. That's where we would go to smoke, back when I went here. I have no idea where they've placed themselves these days. I've been looking for them once or twice when I've forgotten my cigarettes."

"You don't know? They're usually over there, behind the wall by the fire escape to the gym."

Asuma's lips were slightly parted while he looked over, having his view disrupted by a large tree.

"Do you think I'd become popular, if I stomped over there, demanding a cigarette and leaving them all with a slip to see the principal?"

Kakashi chuckled. "You'd save a lot of money if you confiscate all their smokes," he said, gesturing for Asuma to hand over the cigarette. Asuma was happy to see his friend in a better spirit than this morning.

After a deep inhale of the poisonous delight, Kakashi flicked off some ashes through the window and handed it back to the bearded man, turning towards him.

"I'm sorry man, I would've loved to have held you with some company while you hide from your dad and all, but I'm gonna see if I can find somewhere to relax for a while," he explained, holding up his newspaper.

"Sure, I understand. How's your new class, by the way?" he asked before Kakashi could walk away.

"They're a _hoot and a half_," Kakashi said sarcastically, rubbing his visible eye with his free hand. Asuma looked unimpressed and arched his bushy eyebrows towards the smaller teacher.

"Nah, they seem like good kids. But they're _loud_. I have a roaring headache right now," he smiled tiredly, instantly regretting sharing that information as Asuna's expression turned into something cautious.

"It's _fine,_" Kakashi reassured. Asuma didn't buy it one bit.

"And how 'bout your leg? Has it been troubling ya?" he inquired, looking to see if the scruffy man in front of him limped.

"No, it's also fine," Kakashi answered, now slightly annoyed. It was feeling a bit stiff after sitting too much, but it wasn't hurting. Not that it was anyone's business. "I can take care of myself," he added, more casually.

"I'll believe it when I see it." Asuma scoffed.

"Sure. Well, bye mom," Kakashi bid adieu, holding his hand up, waving at the tanned man still smoking by the window. Asuma returned the motion, sighing greatly and turning his attention back to the schoolyard.  
  
_'Just don't come and complain to me when you've overworked your body again.'_

* * *

Kakashi strolled down the brick-walled hallway with a newspaper resting between his side and his pocketed right arm, while a steaming coffee mug in his left. The day had gone by faster than he had anticipated, even if it was still mid-day. The new bunch of kids too, were not as horrible as he had feard.

Further down the hall, he recognized the form of Anko. She was a short, dark-haired, and, despite her feisty personality, a very cute teacher that he had known since childhood. Her trademark tan coat waved behind her, ineffectively hiding her less-than-appropriate work attire, a black tank top, and a brown skirt, reaching half-way down her thighs. Knee-high black stockings embraced her elegant legs, following her delicate, lean calves down into a pair of uncharacteristicly chunky combat boots. Her brown hair was tied in the back into a messy knot, her bangs brushing against her forehead, just above brown eyes and effectively framing her attractive features.

He groaned outwardly as the short woman noticed him and smirked while she slowly approached him, head cocked and hands on her back.

"Hey, Kashi-kun," her soft alto voice greeted with a strange, menacing playfulness. A voice filled with mischief. He got his hopes up when it looked like she was about to pass him, but she suddenly turned on her heels and came to walk beside him instead.

"Anko-san," he uttered, recognizing her presence while making sure not to blurt out any kind of encouragement to turn this into a conversation. Not that she needed any. He intentionally avoided to look at her, keeping his eye on the target; the exit; where he would hide out in his car, reading the paper and drinking his coffee in peace and quiet in the remains of his precious lunch break.

"Exuberant as always I see," she shrugged with a crooked smile, walking closer. He picked up his pace considerably, feeling a tint of satisfaction as her minuscule legs struggled to keep up with his long purposeful gate. He grunted in reply, but, the stubborn woman didn't halt, keeping up with him with determinate steps, coming up behind him and suddenly opening a door to their left, grabbing his shoulder and pushing him inside before he could register what was happening and resist it.

Her small body was forcing him up against the wall in the small janitor-closet, her right arm reaching behind her and locking the door, while her left was already on its way under his coffee-stained shirt.

His own athletic physique could throw her off easily, but the cold hand trailing over his abdomen, dangerously close to the hem of his boxers that was peeking up from his pants, made him shudder involuntarily and instead, leaned back against the wall with a sharp intake.

The woman peered up at him with an almost sadistic smile, letting her right hand brush over his already hardening bulge.

"You're not difficult to ask, are ya?" she mocked him, feeling his body slide a little further down the wall.

"You're just so gracious," he mumbled back. "It would be impolite to decline." Delicate hands started to unbutton his pants, exposing his black and red underwear. Her fingers danced across the fabric, teasing his growing erection.

"Geez, Kash. It's just starving for attention," she snickered, intruding her hand further into the open zipper, feeling a stain of precum on her coworker's boxer shorts. Meanwhile, her own wetness was starting to make itself known, aching for the familiar touch of the ragged man's experienced hands.

"Who says it doesn't get to come out to play?" he retorted chaffingly, finally setting his coffee cup down on a nearby rack, retreating his other arm from his pocket and letting the paper fall to the floor with a dull smack. She leaned in closer, teeth now nicking at his collar and soon he felt the wet caress of a warm tongue, flicker over the creek of his neck, lips brushing over his collarbone while she nipped lightly at sensitive ivory skin.

"Are you telling me you've had someone else recently?" she said between kisses and smacked her tongue disapprovingly, giving him an extra hard bite on his left peck, leaving the skin to bruise almost immediately. Another harsh intake racked through the insufferably attractive man's body in response.

"Haven't you? Weren't you island hopping in the Caribbean?" he returned, successfully making her slow down, but regrettably, as she looked up at him with a dangerous smile that told him that she was happy to elaborate. She sighed dreamingly at the returning memories of her vacation, biting her lip as the more kinky details played through her mind.

"Oh, yeah, I most certainly did. I met Emeterio in Cuba, Zidane in Jamaica, Jaden in Trinidad... _Oh,_ and Emilio. They were all _much _bigger than you. Both in size," her eyes ran from his feet to his head, hands running along his chest, almost as if measuring it. "...and in _size._" She then grabbed his crotch tightly, making Kakashi's head fall to his chest and a whine, mixed with pain and pleasure, to leave his body.

A melodious laugh spilled through her pink lips, satisfied by her on-and-off lover's reaction. She had him where she wanted him, she thought, just before calloused hands all of a sudden grabbed the sides of her face and leaned her head back. Startled, she looked up to Kakashi, an unreadable look in his one eye that seemed to glare right through her. This was the mysteriousness that never seemed to tire her. That made butterflies come alive in her stomach, brushing their light wings across her inside, tingling all the way to her womanhood. It was true that she knew more about the man than most, but even with her excellent people-reading skills, she could never truly break through his exterior.

His tongue was suddenly in her mouth. She let out a surprised whump, but quickly relaxed into the gesture, letting her own tongue explore the moistness of his mouth, teeth colliding with teeth in a lustful, breathless exchange of moans.

His hands were around her waist and she let him pick her up, wrapping her legs around his hips and being lifted hastily over to a metallic table, covered with tools and cleaning supplies. His strong arm brushed it all aside in one swoop while still holding her with the other, not caring about the ruckus it would cause as everything hit the floor and walls.

_No one was supposed to be in this area of school during lunch anyway._

He laid her atop the table, leaning his whole weight onto her body as they kept their lips tightly locked, their tongues still engulfed in an energic game of cat and mouse.

A sharp cry ripped through Anko, finally making their jaws part, as a strong hand stroked over the wetness of her panties and dove unhesitant inside of it, brushing against stiff curls, damp with her own juices and expertly locating her sensitive spot in an instant, lightly rubbing it with his thumb while his index finger danced around the edge of her entry. She looked up to meet Kakashi's teasingly crooked smile, before he used his other hand to tear away the laced undergarment, sliding it down her legs and tossing it unceremoniously over his shoulder.

He proceeded to push the coat off and she let it slide off her narrow shoulders, draping around her curved form. Her black tank was swiftly being pulled up, resting just above her slick, ample bosom, embroidered in a crimson lace bralette. He kissed the exposed flesh passionately, her toes curling inside her boots at the explosion of sensations, while her bra was being pushed down, letting her breasts spill over the edge, revealing her pink protruding nipples.

Kakashi wasted no time. He let his tongue slide down her peachy complexion, stopping to suck at the perky buds, his hand massaging the other. Anko's legs clutched tightly onto her handsome companion, letting desperate fingers run through his unruly mop of hair, pulling and yanking and breathing pleadingly. His skin against hers felt electric and her body begged for his touch, for him to come in closer, _deeper _and enter her shaking form.

His head started to trail down her body, leaving deep, passionate kisses all the way down, until he rested between her legs. He eyed her frotting hollowness, the flushed slit that bled clear liquid of pure desire, dripping shamelessly onto the table that her naked ass pushed against.

Goosebumps became prominent on her thighs as she felt him inhale through his nose, before he dove deeply into her folds, kissing and licking her sensitive walls, sucking on her highly responsive nub. His index and middle fingers pushed gently at her cave, carefully being inserted into moist, soft warmth, pulling out a little before being shoved in again with more force, thumb helping his tongue, swirling at her button.

And ecstatic sigh from the dark-haired woman approved of his actions and he pulled her closer, letting her legs rest over his muscular shoulders as she hugged him deeper in between her legs, pushing his head further inside of her and rubbing herself against his scarred face, excited keens making her body shudder.

She felt the boiling of her nether region rising, making her breathing heavy and fast, closing her eyes tightly as she became dangerously close to climaxing. Just then, Kakashi's skilled tongue suddenly stopped and she felt his head trying to pull away from her strong legs.

"Wh-what are you doing?" she breathed, opening her eyes in disappointment and peering down on him, refusing to release him. "You were so... _so _good. I was so close," she complained breathlessly and was about to reprimand him further for leaving the job half-finished, when she noticed his completely uncovered face, the eyepatch having slid off in the heated act.

Unable to free himself from her strong leghold, he averted his face, trying to turn away from her in a futile attempt to hide his sewn shut eyelid, graced with the long, ugly scar, reaching from the top of his forehead, coming to a stop parallel with the creek of his now downturned mouth. The scar was slightly inflamed, reddened in agitation from the friction of their activities.

"Oh," she said, blinking and watching him uncetainly, leaning in to get a better look at it. She had never actually seen the entirety of his face since he lost his eye.

"No, stop," he muttered, clearly struggling to twist his head away and out from her surprisingly powerful legs. "Just... let go," he growled silently, now trying to push her off with his arms.

"I'm sure it's not that bad," she tried to argue as his scuffle became more panicked.

"Let go of me!" he raised his voice tensely, pushing away from the table and tumbling back as she abruptly released her hold on him. The sudden lack of resistance made him topple back violently, hitting his head hard on the wall behind them, resulting in a sickening crack, his mind turning muzzy and eyesight double.

"Oh fuck- Kakashi! Shit," Anko exclaimed in surprise at the putrid sound, and the look of Kakashi's bobbing head, pulling her skirt down and scrambling to her feet and kneeling in front of him. In the heat of the moment, she had forgotten all about the side of his face but was painfully reminded when she noticed the twitch in his forcibly shut eyelid, tearing and tugging at a couple of permanent stitches. In Kakashi's daze, he instinctively wanted to open it up.

"Are you okay?"

Kakashi needed a couple of seconds for his brain to start working properly again. His head lolled from side to side while he tried to steady himself enough to speak. His body went rigid when he remembered his missing eyepatch. His left arm shot up to cover his face from view and he felt for the patch on his forehead and through his hair, coming up empty-handed.

Anko turned away from him, looking at the floor behind them when she saw it. She was almost tempted to hide it, but even she couldn't get herself to be so heartless. The eye didn't look good, there was no doubt about that, but it pained her otherwise cool heart to see the stoic man so ashamed of his own still undeniably beautiful face.

She reached her hand with the eyepatch to him, and he quickly grabbed it and pulled it over his face, feeling around the edges of it to make sure that most of the length of the scar was also covered.

"Are you okay?" she repeated, now that he seemed to be back in the now. He rubbed the back of his head, uttering a lazy _yes,_ and started to place his feet under him to get back up. Her slender arms stopped him sternly, pushing him back to a sitting position before she scooted closer, feeling the back of his head and pulled it forward to look for blood. The amount she found wasn't too concerning, apart from it seeping through from a headwound. She could also feel a steadily growing bump. She released him.

"Okay, you can get up now," she said, before rising herself, standing to look at him as he steadied himself with his hand on the wall and stretched out his back. They stood, looking at each other for a moment before she spoke.

"You're still handsome, you know."

"Hm?" he hummed, confused.

"With the scar and the missing... you know."

He scoffed and hung his head, massaging the back of his neck. "That's not really..." he started, but she decided to interrupt him. She already knew that it wasn't about that.

"Also, with the eyepatch," she smirked. He looked at her with an arched eyebrow. "It makes you look mysterious and a little dangerous. Damaged." She looked him straight in the eye, almost in a challenging way.

He rolled his visible eye and turned to unlock the door when she stopped him, putting a hand on his hand to lower it before it could grab the door handle.

"And if you start to feel dizzy or nauseous, with the head and all," she said, slipping in front of him with her fingers on the lock. "...please, go see the nurse." She unlocked the door and opened it.

"...so, maybe you can satisfy at least _one _woman today," she added swiftly and snapped through the door with a gleeful chuckle.

"Fuck you," he complained after her, smiling as she hurried down the hallway, coat in hand and no underwear.

* * *

Later that same day, as Anko returned to her classroom from the lunch break, she startled and blushed violently, as she pulled her chair from under her desk. Her red panties were draped nicely onto the chair, the stain between the legs still prominent, exaggerated by the way the culprit had garnished it onto the seat. A note was wrapped inside the fabric, still visible without much peering. _'Enough to pique the interest of anyone who'd find it,'_ she thought while blushing furiously. She reached out and took it, unwrapping it and reading it with her back turned against her students.

_"Dear Anko. Thank you for offering, but they're really not my style. Bet they look good on you, though. Love, Principal Sarutobi." _A winky face was added clumsily, clearly drawn by someone who had no idea how to. 

"Asshole," she uttered, looking from the revealing chicken-scratches to the chair. _'__Well, at least I've gotten my underwear back.' _It was a little awkward to teach the older students without them. Usually, she could get her more difficult male students to do mostly anything for her, with just "accidentally" shifting her legs in an "unfortunate" position, giving them a small peek of what was hiding underneath her short skirts. _But without her panties, that would have become a bit much, even for her._

She mundanely got seated behind her desk, shifting innocently on her chair while sliding her undergarment back on. When she was done, she jumped back up, energetically greeting her class and lifted herself to sit cross-legged on top of her desk, instructing everyone to turn to page thirty in their new textbooks.  
  


* * *

To be continued.   
  



	2. My brain says I'm receiving pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The new school year has begun at Konoha High School and Kakashi has decided that he actually enjoys his new students. His best friend is being annoyingly worried about him and the tradition of sexy-time in the janitor's closet with Anko is already in place, all though, things didn't end up quite as they both would have liked.

** No particular warnings apply to this chapter. Some graphic descriptions of sickness, but other than that, fluffs and angsts!**

* * *

Finally, the sixth hour of the day had arrived. Kakashi had the rest of the day for office work, which meant thirty minutes, or whenever he woke up, on the couch in an empty teacher's lounge. He had tried to read a little in his "textbook", but the lights felt too sharp and almost blinding when reflected off the white pages with small, black writing. Instead, he laid it atop of his face to shut out the intruding lights and closed his eye. He was dead tired. His working eyelid felt heavy and the eye stung almost as much as the missing one. Another day in phantom pains, apparently.

It really didn't help that he hadn't actually slept the last three days as much as dozed off from time to time whenever the exhaustion would become too much and his body would shut off at random times. Once, he had woken up by his front door with the dogs all on a leach, apparently about to take them out for a walk. It didn't need an explanation of why they weren't too happy with him when he finally came to.

It wasn't in the lack of trying to sleep. Far from it. He had dutifully taken the sleeping aids the doctor had prescribed for him, even exceeded the dose a little when they didn't help. The only thing that resulted in was a couple of hours of not remembering anything. He might have slept, but from the open refrigerator door and lack of contents in said fridge (and very happy albeit guilty-looking dogs- _at least he had been forgiven_), it seemed that he had more likely cleared a couple of chapters in his book instead. The amnesia obviously meant that he had to re-read them and could find the trail of the past days left-overs from dinner in between pages.

**(A/N: I do not recommend exceeding the doctor's prescribed dosage of any sort of medication. I'm not necessarily saying that the missing hours are completely self-experienced, 'cause... I'd be lying if I said I remember what actually happened. Also, I had only one happy doggo with explosive diarrhea.)**

...he really hated those pills.

And the headache was back with a vengeance. He had already popped a couple of pain pills, as well as taking the drugs that were supposed to prevent them from occurring in the first place before work. He knew he should have just skipped out on his last class the moment he felt the aura coming on, with its prickling and numbness to his fingertips and the strange sensation of seeing zigzag patterns forming in his vision. At the end of class, he had started to muffle his words, even more than he already usually did, and the words he was looking for seemed to just escape him.

The cold surface of the latest page in his book gave the throbbing left side of his face some relief from the pain, but not enough to still the debilitating nausea that was warning him to not stay far away from a bathroom anytime soon. Or at least a barf bag. Several deep inhales did help somewhat, so he figured if he just lay there and breathed until the drugs started to work, he might be all right.

Unfortunately, the peace didn't last long. The door suddenly smacked open and shut just as quickly. Kakashi startled to the point where he jumped and his stomach gave out a dissatisfied murmur at the action. There were rapid breaths and the soft sound of lips smacking together- which really, only made his sickness worse. He couldn't actually imagine wanting to see _any _two people in this school do such a thing to each other, least of all not now. Well, _ever._

Hesitantly, he pulled Makeout Paradise off of his face in the faint hope that he had finally been able to fall asleep and woke up to a scene from the beloved book. He was so _very _wrong.

Wide-eyed, he stared at his best friend, embracing one of their fellow teachers, Miss Kurenai, engulfed in a heated makeout session that honestly still technically could have been a page ripped out of his book.

Kurenai was halfway seated on the counter when she opened a brown and heavily make-upped eye and stared directly into Kakashi's shocked face. She let out a small squeal, enough to make Kakashi shudder, as she pushed the burly man off of her and cleared her throat. Asuma turned around perplexed and looked in surprise at their unexpected spectator before he laughed and rubbed his neck awkwardly.

"Kakash-" was all he could say before Kakashi buckled over, unable to hold in his lunch any longer and threw up over the shiny parquet floor. The two lovebirds quickly pulled away from one another and ran to him.

Kakashi still sat with his head between his legs and dry-heaved and gagged when Kurenai got seated beside him and stroked his back while talking soothingly to him. Asuma roamed over him on the other side, not sure what to do to help his sick friend, but wanted to stay close anyway. When the dry-heaving seemed to finally ease, Kakashi was still frozen in place, almost hyper-ventilating with big beads of sweat dripping from his forehead.

"Buddy?" Asuma tried with an uncertain smile while carefully rubbing at one of Kakashi's shoulders. "You okay? I didn't think I was _that _repulsive." He received a surprisingly powerful jab to the shoulder from his lover, with a side dish of threatening glare. Kakashi rose his left hand, motioning them to shut up for a moment, before spitting into the bile covered floor and slowly raising his back.

"Careful, Kakashi. Don't rush it," Kurenai said in a sweet voice, steadying him to sit up.

"I'm fine," Kakashi breathed while holding a stabilizing hand to his head like he was making sure it wouldn't fall off. The strain of vomiting hadn't done any favors for his headache, but at least he didn't feel as nauseous anymore. "I's jus' a heada..." the sharp consonants felt too brutal for him to pronounce at the time and it made Kurenai feel uneasy.

"Do you have any medication for these types of migraines?" she asked him, hushed to not aggravate the suffering any further.

"I've already... taken them," he managed, while his head lolled back and forth. "Jus' waitin."

"Okay," she smiled reassuringly and turned her attention to Asuma. "Honey, we need to help Kakashi to the nurse's office. Can you take his other arm?" she asked while getting ready to slide Kakashi's right arm over her shoulder.

"Of course," Asuma said worriedly but ignored Kurenai's gesture and instead, lifted the entire form of the school teacher into his arms, one arm under his back and one under his knees and effortlessly picked him up off the couch.

If it had been under completely different circumstances, a stunt like that would have awarded Asuma an elbow to the face but, right now, it didn't seem like Kakashi had the strength to fight him at all. He only groaned weakly. Asuma could swear he heard him utter "I'll kill you," but decided to ignore the threat.

Luckily, the classes were still ongoing, so they didn't run into anyone on their way to the cellar where the infirmary was located. Kurenai knocked on the door and they waited for the tall, blonde woman to answer. As usual, she took her sweet time before she answered the door and seemed to ignore that Asuma was carrying an adult man in his arms, as she sighed heavily.

"What?" she asked exasperated, only looking at Kurenai who was standing in the front.

"Lady Tsunade," she greeted politely and stepped away to let Asuma and Kakashi into view. "Kakashi fell ill in the teacher's lounge. I think he's got a severe migraine," she explained. Tsunade twitched her nose and nodded, before letting them inside.

"You can put him in one of the beds," she told them and went over to a rack on the wall, looking for the right forms that had to be filled out when someone in the workplace had become sick or injured. Asuma did so, while Kurenai kept explaining the situation.

"He threw up a couple of minutes ago and after that, his speech has been slurred. He's not all the way coherent. I'm not sure if he's even awake anymore," she looked across the room to Asuma who shrugged his shoulders.

"...am," Kakashi murmured from the bed. Their attention snapped towards him and Tsunade gave Kurenai the forms and walked towards her patient.

"How long have you been feeling ill?" she asked him. He looked pale and held his eye closed tightly. His forehead was glistening. She rolled up the sleeves of the dark green cardigan that she was wearing over her nurse's uniform and felt his temple for fever with the inside of her wrist. She frowned slightly when she found him to be a bit warm.

"M'fine," he argued, but flinched when Tsunade left out a loud and sudden laugh.

"Of course, and my dad is still out for cigarettes," she scoffed while readying a thermometer. "Answer me honestly now, or I'll plunge this into the other end."

Kakashi grimaced, while Asuma shifted uncomfortably. "Maybe we should leave?" he suggested silently to Kurenai, who waved him off, ignored him while concentrated on filling out the paperwork.

"I's been t_..there_ the whole day but, i-it got worse about... one and a half hour ago," Kakashi finally mustered. "I took some pills... 'is in my bag."

"Anything in particular that happened one and a half hour ago that made it worse?"

Kakashi hesitated. He had no intention of telling anyone about Anko and his own activities in between classes, but the bump on the back of his head certainly hadn't _helped _the headache.

"I accidentally hit the back of my head during lunch," he admitted between heavy breaths, ignoring Asuma's questioning look. _He hadn't told him about hitting his head._

Tsunade smiled satisfied and pushed the thermometer into Kakashi's mouth which he reluctantly accepted. "That wasn't so hard, was it? Now, keep shut until I tell you to." She proceeded to feel the back of his head and stopped when she found the lump and pushed him to his side to get a closer look at it.

"Yeah, you do have a bump," she mused while examining it. "It seems like you've also bled a little. A grown man like you should know better than to try and ignore trauma to the back of the head. You might have a concussion."

"I don't-" he retorted but it only resulted in an annoyed hush from the older woman. "Did I tell you to open your mouth, you imbecile?" Kakashi grunted.

She stood back up and thought for a moment before she took the thermometer and looked at it. "Your temperature is 100,4 degrees, which isn't too bad, but it's not good either. Considering that you've taken some pain relievers, it might have lowered your temperature too." She paused for a moment, before continuing. "I want you to stay here and rest for a while until I'm confident that you don't have a concussion. If this get's any worse, I'll take you to the ER."

Before Kakashi could deny her, she had turned back to the two helpers. "I'm glad you brought him here. Unfortunately, Kakashi's got a history of not _listening _to either his own body or me, so I want someone else to hear this too. If he gets better while in my care, I want someone to take him home and he's _not _to be left by himself until he's completely fine. Got it?"

"Got it," the two answered dutifully. Kurenai gave Tsunade the forms and walked over to Kakashi in the infirmary bed. "Feel better, okay?" she said while brushing his unruly silver hair out of his eyes and resting her hand on his scarred side and smiled.

"I already do," he sulked as she parted from him and Asuma replaced her.

"I'll stop by to check up on you during the next recess."

"Don't leave me here," Kakashi pleaded. "Asuma?" he asked with a teeny bit of hope still left in his voice as the large man turned to leave. "Asuma? Asuma, wait!"

Asuma and Kurenai thanked the nurse and left him there to rest, while the begs for them to return for him faded through the hallway.

* * *

Blood-covered hands shook violently in front of him as the knife fell to the ground and the pained cry that hurt _so much_ every time it replayed through his head screeched and burst his eardrums. The heartbreaking and painful sound tore through his paralyzed body and made his wide eyes look up and meet the _hurt and scared _eyes of the only person who had ever _truly _loved him and comforted him and made the world feel like it could _actually _gain back some of its colors someday- as it withered away from him.

Desperate (_blood-covered so _so _much blood) _hands reached out to her to _save _her because she couldn't _leave _him, not like this, not _ever_ because he _needed _her (_needs her so much so bad don't leave don't leave please don't leave please) _and she's the only thing that could ever _save _him from all the monster's inside his head, inside his body and the only person who would ever _ever _be able to get him out of this _purgatory _this- this _hell._

_But now she can't anymore because she's dead and you killed her you you _monster _the only monster here is _you_ and you don't deserve to be saved..._

_-saved or safe or okay or happy- not safe not safe..._

_And you can never be happy and it should have been you withering and turning to dust and she should be safe and happy and never even have met you because you're bad and you killed her you killed the only one who could ever love you- cause your poisonous and bad and dangerous and undeserving of ever_

ever _being loved in the first place don't deserve to love cause she didn't deserve what happened to her- what_ you _did! You did this you hurt her you killed-_"Kakashi!" The voice of Tsuname almost sounded scared. He woke up from the sharp sound of the older woman's voice and of rough shaking of his shoulders. "Wake _up_, scarecrow!"

His eye shot up but, before he could answer her and tell her to calm down, another fit of nausea, not from the migrain this time, wrecked through his body and made him swing his body to the side of the bed instead. The older woman acted quickly. Before he was able to soil yet another one of the school's floors today, a basin was shoved under his face and he retched into it. Mostly it contained stomach fluids and bile this time, as he didn't really have anything left to throw up.

"Thank you," he whispered when he felt like he could stomach the rest of his insides and she helped him to lay back on the bed.

"What the hell did you _dream?" _the foul mothed nurse asked in disbelief. "I thought you were having a fucking seizure for a moment."

Kakashi looked away. He didn't feel like meeting the worry in her eyes. "I... I don't know. I don't remember," he rasped and could _feel _her keening gaze on him, even if he couldn't even _partially_ see the side that was facing her.

"Bullshi-"

"What time is it?"

"...tt, Kakashi. Bull_shit." _She wasn't going to let him interrupt her like that. But, she decided to choose her battles more carefully with the man. "It's half-past one, you've only been asleep for a little over thirty minutes. How are you feeling now?"

"I'm okay," Kakashi promised and wiped his mouth and started to get up from the bed, but Tsunade stopped him with a firm, manicured hand on his shoulder.

"Ah-ah, _no._ I did not tell you to get up. How's the headache?"

Kakashi reluctantly let her lean him back on the bed and sighed greatly. "It's fine, almost completely gone." At least that part was true. No one was happier about that than him.

"Good. I'm finally convinced that you're not concussed, but I'm still a little worried about the fever. I want you to rest for another hour in here and then we're going to check it again. I'm going to give you something to ease your nausea too if you think you're ready to stomach it."

Kakashi always liked Tsunade, even if they usually gave each other a hard time. Times like these, she proved that she could be pretty nice (if you were nice in return). He guessed he'd be a little harsh too if he had to deal with the battle wounds of fourteen-year-olds after fights, or any student who would "suddenly" would come down with a headache, fever or whatever else they could think of, five minutes before an important test.

..._oh wait._

So yeah, he got her. Maybe he should spare her from acting so much like an adolescent. But he wasn't going to spew out about all or any of his past trauma, even if he could technically act it off as only something in a bad dream.

"Maybe in a little bit," he told her instead and gave her a small smile.

Tsunade recognized honesty when she saw it, so she was satisfied with that. "Okay, in a little bit, then. In about an hour I'll call Asuma and ask him to take you home. I don't want you driving after this."

When he was about to argue, she only held up her hand to halt him. "I _know _you have your car here. I'll drive it home for you. I usually take the bus anyway and you're on my way. It's a win/win."

"I _knew _you had ulterior motives," Kakashi murmured and got comfortable on the bed again. She smirked and swung her chair around, back to the computer.

"Win/win for me, then. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do."

* * *

Tsunade went good on her promise to let him go after another hour. His temperature hadn't changed, so she asked him to take a sick day the next day, which he sternly declined. He drank the elixir she had mixed for nausea, almost throwing up all over again by the bland taste. Asuma came by to pick him up. Apparently, his new schedule gave him the same office hours as him, which was what had lead to the uncomfortable meeting earlier that day.

"So, how are ya?" Asuma asked as they walked out of the building, a couple of minutes before the last bell of the day would ring.

"I'm fine, Asuma. Stop worrying," Kakashi sighed and pulled his hood up to cover from the rain. Asuma frowned but kept his lips shut, tired of being rejected. Kakashi felt bad for the added tension, so he decided to try and lighten the mood, while also changing the subject.

"So... you and Kurenai, huh?" As suspected, the burly man didn't hold a grudge longer than he could hold his breath, and let out a whole-hearted laugh.

"Yeah, it appears so. But it's still kind of on the down-low, so... keep your lips sealed for the time being."

"Hey, my name means scarecrow. We're not exactly known for being too talkative," Kakashi deadpanned, receiving a chuckle and a very little appreciated slap on the back that nearly knocked the air out of him.

"Also, maybe try to _not_ suck each other's tonsils while entering the teacher's lounge unannounced," he muttered while entering Asuma's red muscle car, sending a longing glance across the parking lot to his scrappy jeep.

Asuma kept grinning and turned the ignition on. The stereo started playing loud enough for the both of them to jump. Kakashi scowled at his friend who still smiled stupidly, uttering a quiet appology before fastening his seat belt and backed out of the parking space, finally leaving the school area, the first day of a new year at Konoha High.

* * *

"You really don't need to walk me to the door," Kakashi muttered tiredly, glazing over at the big guy walking slightly behind him.

"Ya, I know," he answered, unyielding. They kept walking from the driveway to the small house Kakashi owned. From the backyard, excited barking picked up in volume as they kept approaching.

"Oh," Kakashi realized swiftly. "You wanna play with the dogs, don't you?"

"Yes please!" Asuma was running around the house in an instance, already rowling up the herd.

Kakashi was unable to keep in the chuckle as he fished his keys out of his bag. He paused for a minute, listening intently to any sounds that seemed out of place, another force of habit, before he unlocked the front door.

About ten minutes later, he came out the backdoor into the garden with two cups of coffee, where Asuma was running around with all eight dogs, wagging their tails (well, not Asuma- but if he had a tail, he would), bouncing after him. At the sight of Kakashi though, most of them turned around ecstatically and came to greet their owner.

There really was only supposed to be _one _dog. But, it seemed close to impossible to leave the shelter without all of them. So that settled that. Technically, he was the pack leader, but whenever the dogs were on their own, it was the ferocious Pakkun. Pakkun the pug.

Kakashi set up a big smile and leaned down to let the dogs overwhelm him with snuggles and kisses and caresses. Asuma smiled at the sight of the usually brisk man's uncensored display of affection towards the hurdle of mutts, the softness of his tone as he spoke to them and praised them for being good pups, as well as the clear love they were feeling for their owner.

Asuma only wished that anyone else could bring that out of him.  
  


* * *

_To be continued_


	3. Each alone, each a part of another

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter: Be prepared for more sexy-time and Tsunade's foul mouth and sexual innuendos (which has nothing to do with the other).

Later that same day, Kakashi had fallen asleep on the couch, most of his numerous dogs trying to fit on top of him. Bull, obviously taking up most of the space but leaving the side of Kakashi's head open for the pack leader, Pakkun the pug, in fear of his wrath later on. Pakkun had curled himself tightly and cozily in between the cushions of the couch and Kakashi's face and was currently snoring loudly while laying on his back, twitching in its sleep ingulfed in a wild goose chase on, well, geese.

Asuma had left only about an hour ago, making sure that Kakashi was sound asleep and resting peacefully before his retreat. Also, kind of out of boredom, as all eight dogs had lost interest in the friendly giant as soon as their master's head hit the pillow. They were a protective bunch, sticking onto Kakashi as band-aids, sensing whenever their owner and, according to Asuma- _God_, was feeling under the weather.

The peaceful moment was cut short though, as Uhei, Kakashi's auburn and white greyhound decided to change its position and accidentally stepped on the remote control, turning the television on to the afternoon news. Kakashi slowly awoke from the sudden noise, making Pakkun's back legs kick him in the face, annoyed about the shifting around on the couch. Bull jumped off his master's body, rattling all the other dogs awake and knocking the air out of Kakashi as he lept off, with the other dogs right at his heel.

The lack of added heat from the huge bulldog made Kakashi's body shake involuntarily and he realized that he probably wasn't rid of the fever just yet. He pulled a blanket off the back of the couch and wrapped it around himself, about to turn off the damn television that had abrupted the quietest sleep he had had in a long time, but then, he dropped the remote control. It fell onto the floor with a quiet _clack._

Kakashi quickly leaned down, picking it back up to increase the volume just as the face he so grimly recognized escaped his vision and a reporter standing in an alleyway that was supposed to look menacing, started to talk about Japan's, _and more specifically Konoha's,_ increasing issues with gang-related violence.

Bull complained miserably about his empty food bowl, but Kakashi quickly hushed him with a glare and turned his attention back to the news segment. Apparently, the local police had gotten some intel about a new gang that was seemingly already running the underground of Kohana, called Akatsuki. The informant was apparently affiliated with the gang and wished to remain Anonymus for his or her own protection. Several of the members were already under arrest, but Kakashi had a sneaking suspicion that they'd only caught a few unfortunate juvenile delinquents that the Akatsuki had enrolled just for that purpose.

_'Fuck', _Kakashi murmured thoughtfully before he turned off the screen, having had enough of the more than unsettling information. As if he wasn't paranoid enough as it was.

_But there was no way..._

He almost jumped in his seat as the doorbell rang, making his dogs bark protectively from their master's uneasy reaction. Still wrapped in his blanket, he walked slowly and carefully to his front door, cursing himself for not getting one with a peek hole. At the time, it was a move towards normalcy, but right now, he was reminded that nothing he ever did would ever be normal.

He inhaled deeply, realizing that he hadn't even locked the door- obviously, as Asuma had left after he had fallen asleep. It was already starting to get dark outside, and the lights in the living room must have revealed that someone was inside his home already. He mentally prepared to defend himself, unraveling from the blanket and getting ready to throw it over anyone who might be waiting outside to block their view as he opened the door and quickly stepped to the side.

The relieve that washed over him almost made his knees buckle. He would never have thought that he would be this happy, _ever_, to see the blonde-haired school nurse standing on his front steps. His dogs ran around her feet, barking happily, greeting the familiar figure. The rain still hadn't let up. The short trip from his car to the front porch had already made her hair wet.

Tsunade's hand reached out, dangling the car keys in front of his face. He closed his eyes for a few seconds, breathing through the remains of his panic attack before he grabbed at them. She quickly retracted her arm, smiling sweetly- ominous.

"Nah-ah, not before I give you a quick check-up," she stated in her cheeky tone, stepping inside without being invited.

"I feel fine," Kakashi muttered tiredly, without much conviction. He then recognized her medical bag from the office, understanding at that moment, that this was all just a big conspiracy. She needed an excuse to come by his place to make sure he was doing all right as if he was some kind of helpless idiot that couldn't take care of himself. He could probably have driven home just fine by himself (_he already knew he could, technically, but still)._

"That's not really up for you to decide," she chirped and put her bag on his coffee table, before standing with her hands on her hips and looked around his modestly furnished house. "So, you're a minimalist," she stated unimpressed.

"I guess so," he sighed and secretly wished that he had learned the dogs some kind of attack commands. Maybe if he kept the food from Bull a little bit longer, he could offer her as his dinner. He had witnessed him devour an entire bag of flour, so he already knew that he wasn't a picky eater.

"Would you mind sitting down on the couch and remove your shirt?" the doctor asked in a forcibly pleasant tone.

"Kinda," he answered, crossing his arms defiantly. He didn't care if he looked like one of his students, this breach of his privacy was simply too out of his comfort zone. At least this time, he was coherent to refuse treatment.

"Okay," she paused, biting her teeth tightly together. "Then, let me rephrase that; Sit the fuck down on the fucking couch and remove your fucking shirt." He looked at her, one lazy eye staring unimpressed at her, clearly petered out by her foul tongue. "I'm gonna flush your fucking car keys down the toilet if you don't do what I tell you," she added, closing the deal.

From experience, he knew she was being serious. He groaned audibly, before obeying, removing his white t-shirt and tossing it onto the armrest of one of his recliners and sitting down onto the brown leather couch. He felt uncomfortable. The wounds that had once scattered his pale skin was now healed, but the scars still remained as a grim reminder of past mistakes. Not that Tsunade hadn't seen them before but, he still felt exposed.

"Why do you need me to be shirtless?" he asked her exasperated, glancing up at the smirking woman.

"I've been single for a long time," she sighed sincerely, smirking and reaching into her bag for her thermometer and pushing it vigorously between his lips, effectively making him unable to answer her unless he wanted a whack over the head.

She waited for about a minute before removing it, frowning slightly at the realization that his fever had increased slightly. "Have you taken any more pain relievers?" she asked him, wiping the small glass stick off with a sanitary wipe.

"No," he answered, slouched over on the sofa.

"Good. At least you don't have anything in your system that has lowered the fever. How about the headaches? Has it been bothering you since you came home?"

"Not really," Kakashi answered hesitantly, immediately wishing he had plainly said _no,_ but something about this woman just made him unable to completely lie. Withhold the truth somewhat;_ sure_, that was just how things worked with him. If he had been truthful all the time, he would probably have been locked up in the loony bin many years ago. Tsunade would more than likely have flushed the keys to his cell down the toilet herself.

"That's good to hear," she answered, surprising Kakashi a little. It wasn't like her to let anything that was written between the lines slide. Like the fact that he usually to some extent had a headache most of the time. "I still want you to stay home tomorrow, though."

Now, it was Kakashi's turn to smirk.

"No," he said bluntly.

The blonde woman sighed and sat down on the couch beside him. "I just want you to take care of yourself, Kakashi."

"But I'm _fine,_" he argued for the unght'th time that day. "It passes. You of all people should know that."

"Yes, I do. I also know that your body can't keep up with you. And that your head can't keep up with your body. You never listen to the warning signs. If you keep this up, you're gonna end up in the hospital again."

He rolled his eyes and hung his head, spent. "I know," he admitted.

She looked intently at him. "So?" she asked. "Do we agree?"

"Not at all," he snickered. "How 'bout this; I'll tell Asuma I can't assist him in gym class tomorrow and I'll go home if I start feeling sick."

"You're an idiot," she muttered, but reluctantly allowed it. "With one condition. You don't go home if you start feeling sick, you come to me."

"Deal," Kakashi reached his hand out and they shook on it. His first win that day. She got up and turned to leave, but Kakashi stopped her. He held his hand out expectantly, waiting for her to get the gist.

She looked at him with a frown, before realizing what he wanted and grabbed the keys out of her pocket, hesitating.

"You know, the weather is pretty nasty still," she mused, pouting her lip.

"Jesus," he breathed, grabbing his coat and followed her out to the car.

* * *

Less than five minutes after he had returned back home from Tsunade's place, there was another quick rap on his door. The dogs gathered happily in front of the door, ready to greet the guest with all the love eight pups could give. Kakashi, _not so much_. He fought off the annoyance with a sharp intake, heavily getting up from his finally comfortable seat on the sofa and shuffled in slouchy woolen socks over the wooden floor, pushing the dogs away to make his way to the door.

The door creaked open. Immediately, he made a mental note to oil the henges, before he met the hazel eyes of Anko, tightly wrapped in her tan coat. Confused, he scratched his gravity-defying mane.

"Anko, wha-"

"Asuma told me you weren't feeling well," she said, in a breathy, feigned tone. Kakashi angled his head and scowled down at her.

"And also," she added, smiling smugly and unwrapping the belt on the oversized cloak, opening it one flap at the time. "...we have some unfinished business to attend to."

Kakashi couldn't help the raised eyebrow as he got pushed inside of his apartment by the small female in the slightly unconventional nursing outfit, tumbling over the armrest of the sofa with the feisty woman discarding the access fabric, letting it slide off her shoulders into a messy heap on the floor and crawling over him, pinning him down with strong hands.

"Anko," he protested but was quieted by luscious lips attacking his. Soon, her hands were hastily fondling for the zipper of his pants. "Mm..." he tried to speak, but his words were muffled by the tongue that was trying to force its way down his throat. He turned his head away from her and tried desperately to pull her off of him. "P-please, Anko-"

"Shut up," she murmured, but not without a hint of amusement in her tone. She pushed him back into the soft cushions, ripping at his t-shirt while leaving a trail of kisses down his abdomen.

"N-no, Anko, _please_-"

"What?" she growled angrily, snapping her head up and glaring at the somewhat startled man under her. Kakashi was unable to stifle his laughter from the thoroughly enraged look on her face. He finally sat up, leaving her scowling up at him with a protruding lip, half-heartedly covering her more than generous cleavage with her arms.

"Would you mind if we moved this into the bedroom?" he chuckled, putting on an apologetic face before he elaborated further. "I've had some... unfortunate experiences with the dogs in the room while... doing this."

She steadied herself on the couch, watching him incomprehensibly before she finally realized what he was saying.

"Ha! _Geez, _Kash... you almost made me worried there," she laughed awkwardly, pausing wide-eyed for a moment as it dawned on her what that might imply. "...pervert," she added slyly and got up to stand in front of him. She smiled, almost shyly and took his hand, dragging him along towards the bedroom.

"I mean, we can bring the dogs if you really want to..." Kakashi smirked, receiving a playful, yet harsh, fist to his chest and coughing in surprise as it almost left him winded. He made another mental note to not _ever_ piss her off for real.

Kakashi closed the door behind them with his left leg, shutting out the gang of furry onlookers as he wrapped his hands around Anko and effortlessly picked her off the ground. In return, she tangled her legs around his slim waist and her arms around his neck- kissing him with newfound ease.

A couple of steps forward, he laid her down on the mattress, on top of the covers and stood back up to remove his shirt- finally because _he_ wanted to. Anko had propped herself up on her elbows, hungry green eyes taking in the glorious sight in front of her.

The crisscrossed scars scattered randomly across his abdomen and chest seemed to illuminate in the faint glow of the streetlamps outside the window, licking his ivory flesh and making the pale man with the mesmerizing silvery hair look almost ethereal.

When he realized that she was staring at him, Kakashi seemed to crumble from her gaze. His shoulder hunched in discomfort, and despite the fact that she had seen him shirtless _several _times over the years, the shame never seemed to go away. Sensing this, Anko trailed her attention down to his crotch instead, licking her lips playfully and motioned him to come closer.

The weight shifted under Anko as Kakashi straddled himself over her. His hand moved to the deep v-neck of her dress that looked like it was about to burst from the size of her chest. One by one, the few buttons that were shut, popped open, only by a light touch, spilling her large breasts even further out of the uniform. He peered innocently up at her, meeting her crooked smile and a raised eyebrow.

"Oops," he murmured and leaned in, pressing her into the mattress and meeting her cherry lips in a passionate kiss. Anko held him tightly, pushing her body as close to his as physically possible.

Kakashi happily leaned into her warmth, tasting the sweetness of her mouth as she let him in, sliding his hands under the skirt of her uniform and massaging the soft tighs underneath.

"You smell really nice," he breathed.

"You could use a shower," she retorted, just as breathless, giving him a small grin and tugging at his hair. She could feel his length growing and get harder against her core and just the thought of it made her lady bits drip wantingly.

"Ahh- Ka-Kakashi," she sighed as he nipped on her neck, saliva forming in the creek of her mouth while his tongue left a wet path down to her bosom. "Kakashi, I want you-" she interrupted herself with a soft moan as his teeth found her stiff nipples and his tongue started to play around with the hard bud and his hand fondling the other.

"I want you inside of me, _please," _she didn't care how helpless and desperate her voice sounded, as she begged one of her closest friends to fuck her. It didn't matter, she didn't care, she just wanted him to fuck her senseless. His muscular body against her curves felt so _good _so _right_ and if he didn't touch her _there soon_, she was scared she was gonna lose it.

Kakashi ignored her pleas and kept teasing her flushed tits. Her voice hitched as she rocked her hips against his length and felt it stiffen even more against her own arousal with every brush. She could hear quiet hums escape him before his hand finally let go of her breast and started to stroke on the outside of her panties, making the already wet spot bleed into the fabric until the white undergarment was soaked all the way between her legs.

"It feels really good," she cried, eyes tightly shut as the blush spread on her face.

"That's good," Kakashi smiled back. "That was what I was trying for."

Feathered kisses worked their way down her thighs. A drop of her juices spilled out from her underwear and a warm tongue licked it up before it could hit the bedding. Kakashi's index finger touched the moist fabric, about to slide it to the side when a firm hand stopped him.

"Wait," she commanded. The silver-haired man looked up at her, concerned that he had stepped over a line at some point. "Lay down," she whispered seducingly, placing her hand on his bare chest and pushing onto him to his back.

She looked down at him, straddling his hips as she crisscrossed her arms and pulled her nurse's uniform off. Her lushes boobs wiggled as the dress slid off of her soft, formful figure. She threw it on the floor and started to unbuckle his belt.

This time, he let her. Her sunkissed skin and heated cheeks reminded him of all the summers they had spent together as kids. A time when sex was off the table and she was as flat-chested as him. She was often mistaken for a boy back then, but she certainly wasn't anymore.

His reminiscing was cut short when he felt her lips on the tip of his erection. He murmured intently and closed his eyes, while her mouth took him in deeper, bobbing her head up and down while her hand covered the part she was unable to swallow, stroking it rhythmically along with her bobs.

Kakashi relaxed in her touch, feeling her peel away the protective layer that he had the habit of crawling into, piece by piece. Not before long, he stopped her. Strong arms embraced her, flipping her over and painfully slowly pulled the panties down her legs and threw them over his shoulder- a repetition of earlier that day.

Anko giggled, surprised by her own reaction. She wasn't used to acting like this. But then again, she guessed Kakashi didn't usually act like this either. What the hell were they even doing? This wasn't the kinda hate-fucking she was used to-

She inhaled sharply as the tip of his cock slowly breached her seal.

"Are you okay?" Kakashi asked hoarsely, looking down at her slightly scrunched up face.

"Mm," she nodded eagerly, feeling the goosebumps spread on her back along her spine, longing for him to fully ram his cock into her sopping warmth. Kakashi smiled softly, before pushing himself deeper, until her crevice was filled to the brim. Carefully, he started moving, rocking them both back and forth while grunting quietly. She caressed his back with her fingernails as he picked up the pace, letting out muffled sounds accompanied by her own silent cries of ecstasy.

Anko was unable to keep the moans dripping from her lips as he fucked her harder, and she moved her hand down to rub at her clit. She was close. And, from the added intensity, she assumed he was too. With her index and middle finger, she swirled her button desperately while they both were panting heavily, sweat adding friction between their bodies.

Anko shut her eyes and held her breath as she climaxed, paralyzed in a silent scream. Her pussy was pulsating violently, the wave of satisfaction rushing through her and her back arching and legs spasming.

Witnessing Anko act so real, so uncensored and pure (and not the over-the-top screaming and vulgarities as usual), was enough to make Kakashi follow her over the edge. His hips buckled, twitching spastically as he spilled his fluids into her folds and collapsed on top of her.

They stayed like that for a long time, catching their breath and feeling the other pulsate rytmically in the afterglow of the climax. They both salvaged every minute of it, feeling comforted and secure, entangled to the other. None of them were going to admit to it, of course.

Kakashi finally flipped himself onto his back, joining her in staring at the ceiling. After another while of silence, Anko turned to her side to face him, propping herself up with her elbow and resting her head in her hand.

"So, how do you feel like the treatment is working?" she asked him. He stared back at her, arching his eyebrow.

"What?"

She sighed in exasperation and pointed at herself. "Nurse, remember?"

"Oh," he chuckled. "Well, usually when I visit the doctor, she tells me to get plenty of rest."

"Yeah? And don't you feel relaxed?"

"...sure, but, I kinda did all the work."

"Hey!" she yelled at him, grabbing the pillow she was resting her elbow on and whacked him across the face. Kakashi ducked the second blow, grabbing a pillow of his own, mostly for shielding himself from the firecracker's wrath.

The pillow fight ended as expected. Anko victorious and Kakashi with a nosebleed. They were still in bed, except that they were now sitting on the edge of it, Kakashi with his head hung forward with a frozen pack of peas wrapped in a rag covering his nose and Anko back to her old self, leaned back and grinning at her fellow teacher's misfortune.

Kakashi didn't blame her though. He knew she was feeling bad behind that sheepish smile, but he really didn't want her to. It was an accident, and he had enough of people's pity for one day. For a lifetime, actually.

"Hey, Anko," he said suddenly, voice suppressed by the blood-soaked towel. She looked at him. "Did you see the news tonight?"

She shook her head. "No. After work, I went to-" _pick up the costume, _"-dinner. With a guy. He was really rich. But I wasn't interested, so I came here instead."

One disinterested half-lidded eye peered back at her before he continued. "Anyway, there was a news segment about Akatsuki," he stated, waiting for her reaction.

At first, she didn't look like she understood. Then, her pallor changed from her tanned complexion to ashy white. "Really?" she stuttered. "W-what did they say?"

"Apparently, they've moved to Konoha," he explained calmly, removing the rag, happy to see that the bleeding had subsided.

"They're _here?_" she asked, disbelieving. "Do you know why? Have you seen them?"

He silently shook his head. "No, I had no idea. The reporter said that the police have an informant and that arrests have been made."

"So, what..? Do you think the Akatsuki thinks it's you? Do you think that's why they're here?"

Kakashi shrugged, looking at his feet.

Anko squinted suspiciously. "...or do you think it was me?"

"I don't know." Kakashi's demeanor was unchanging. Anko's face flustered with fury as she whacked him over the head with a closed fist.

"I haven't fucking told the police or anyone _anything!" _she yelled. Kakashi rubbed the sore spot on his skull, pretty sure that it couldn't be healthy to take this many blows to the head in only a couple of hours.

"Do you think I would _do that? _Because I wouldn't! I would _never _do that to you! _Nobody _was more relieved then I was when you finally were able to distance yourself from that-that... atrocious group! Alive!" she added, standing in the bed, shouting.

"I didn't say you did, Ank. I just thought you should know," he said tiredly.

That calmed her down slightly. She bounced back onto the bed and scooted closer to him.

"What are you going to do?" she asked. A worried wrinkle appeared between her eyes. Kakashi smiled crookedly of the reminder of the years that had passed. How long it had been since he needed to worry about this sort of stuff, looking over his shoulder as he walked through the streets or add an extra lock to his door. Bulletproof window glasses and having to constantly worry that they would get to the few people he had left if he didn't give them what they wanted...

He almost laughed, realizing that was the reason he ended up with the eight dogs. He was going to the pound to get a guard dog. He ended up with eight- not a single one of them being the ferocious beast he went out looking for that day.

There was always Bull. He _looked_ pretty scary, at least. But the enormous 200-pound bulldog (Kakashi was convinced that there was a lot of mastiff in him too) wouldn't hurt a fly. Quite literally. The dog was petrified of spiders.

"Kakashi?" Anko asked, pulling him out from his thoughts.

"Uh, sorry. I- I don't know. I would like you to take one of the dogs though, you know, just in case."

She seemed to be taken back by that. "Do you think I might be in danger?"

"I can't be sure. But I think we should all just go about our own business as normal. If we start acting strange, they might think we have something to do with the snitch-" Kakashi paused, realizing that he didn't like that word. It was the kind of word he would use in his time as a gang member. He cleared his throat. "...the informant, I mean."

Anko bit her lip. She knew she didn't like this one bit. If he was going to be dragged back inside that mess, she was sure it would be the end of him. It certainly almost had before.

With some hesitation, she got up from the bed and turned towards him. A sad smile graced her lips, as she looked down on that one lazy onyx eye and the black patch with the thin scar peeking out of the bottom of it that covered the other. Then there was his straight, slightly upturned nose that didn't look like it had been broken several times, and the crimson red from the burst blood vessels that had stained his upper lip, leading her down to the slightly plumped, pink lips that was so soft and always uttered words that surprised, angered, uplifted or aroused her.

"Okey," she said calmly but, abruptly adding, "I- I need to use the bathroom." She leaned down, picking up her clothes and headed out the door, ignoring the joyous barks from the dogs and locked herself in the bathroom. In there, she finally let the tears she had been biting back fall. Tears for the Akatsuki, for the situation, for Kakashi and for herself.

She wasn't supposed to feel like this. It didn't feel _right._

_Actually, it just felt_ too_ right and that was what was wrong._

Three months ago, they would be fucking in the janitor's closet while spitting insults at one another. Whoever came first was the winner. Then, they would part, one satisfied, one not-so-much and do it all over again the next day, or after a week. Maybe even a month. It didn't matter. And she certainly wouldn't come to his fucking house in a stupid slutty-nurse costume, that was for sure.

What had happened over the summer? Was it him? Her? Both?

And now Akatsuki was a threat to him, again.

_Possibly_, she reminded herself. But why the hell else would they be in Konoha?

She turned the sink on and splashed some cool water on her face. She had to get out of there at some point, but she was_ not_ going to let him see her cry. He had already seen her laugh and flush and orgasm today (_oh fuck, the real orgasm too), _and that was enough touchy-feely for today. She quickly filled her hand with some water and cleaned herself between the legs as well, mentally reminding herself to double-check if she had taken her birth-control pills today.

When she got out of the bathroom, once again dressed in her 'stupid nurse costume' (and once again pantieless) she noticed that Kakashi wasn't in the bedroom anymore. The dogs were gone too. She walked down the hallway and glanced into the living room, finding it empty.

"Kash?" she asked and continued into the kitchen, smelling newly brewed coffee and feeling a slight draft from around the corner of the room. The backdoor was open. She stepped outside, feeling silly in her revealing outfit, fiding Kakashi with a mug in his hand, waving a frisbee in the air, while most of the dogs jumped around him, wagging their tails and waiting eagerly for Kakashi to toss it. The rain had finally let up too.

He had changed into a pair of black sweats and a black, grey and olive Baja hoodie. He finally threw the toy. The herd shuffled energetically after it. It was the greyhound-thingy that caught it first, she didn't have the slightest idea of what it was called. She had given up on remembering all of their names. It immediately let go of it as soon as Pakkun waddled over as if he had all the time in the word, and picked it up to return it to Kakashi.

She couldn't see his eye from this angle, but she imagined it to be closed that way it always did when he smiled. Also, she figured she was in his blindspot and that he had no idea that she was standing there, spying on him in clear (well, not _his) _sight.

"Hey," she called out and stepped barefoot onto the cold rain coated grass. He turned his head so he could see her.

"Do you want some coffee?" he asked, pointing to the cup on the counter behind her. He had already filled it up and added milk. That was how she liked her coffee.

"I shouldn't, it's getting pretty late."

"It's decaf," he explained. He turned back to grab the frisbee from Pakkun.

She looked over at the cup once more, wondering if she should accept it or not, slightly panicked that he remembered how she preferred it.

"I should go-"

"You can spend the night if you want to-"

They interrupted each other. Kakashi didn't turn to look at her, and Anko turned her head away. She didn't want to look at him.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled and hastily walked back inside the house, grabbing her coat from the floor and carefully shut the door behind her.

Kakashi was left in his backyard, not sure how he felt about that.

"No, I'm sorry," he whispered to himself, throwing the frisbee once more, adding too much force and making it bounce off the fence on the other side of the yard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued.
> 
> Teasers for the next chapter: Angst-fiesta, more of the main plot will be revealed, more from the kids and much doggo-love.


	4. Cold as my own heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If there's anyone actually following this story so far- I'm so, so sorry for the long wait. I got caught up in this train of thought of being terrified of disappointing anyone or making the story head in a direction that would be disliked. But, I've finally kinda realized that I just have to carry forward with my own vision. Whumpy and self-indulgent it is!

That night, Kakashi couldn’t help but feel a deep-seated, cutting sadness situated in his stomach. His breathing felt labored as if he couldn’t properly fill his lungs with air. His head still hurt, but in a different way. It wasn't the pressuring, heavy pains of extreme migraine. It was more like an exhausted and dull ache.   
  
Falling asleep was a lost cause, he realized swiftly after he had laid down to sleep. His mind was spiraling, heading in a direction he knew he needed to stay away from. In the end, he just felt drained. As if he had wasted away a big part of the little that was left and he felt hopelessly empty.  
  
Eventually, he decided to get back up, leaving the comforting warmth of his bed and got dressed to vacate the strangled emptiness of his home.

* * *

It was still raining. It had been another sleepless night and Kakashi felt it all over, from the dull ache behind his eye to the weary cries of his knees. His body was jaded and his head still hurt, but not the agonizing and sharp jolts of pain that had pounded behind his missing eye the day before. This was more of a flat, drained throbbing caused solely by fatigue from insomnia.

Every time he would fall asleep, he'd be woken up by horrible dreams. It had escalated to the point where he was almost afraid of it; the unconscious purgatory where he would relive the atrocious events that had scattered his brain all over the place like broken glass.

So, instead of lying awake and wait for the nightmares to take his mind hostage, he decided to take the dogs for a walk.

It was unhumanly early in the morning when he left his apartment, clad in a moss green raincoat and heading down the street for his usual route.

_ At least, it used to be. _

He had to quit walking there sometime before the summer. It was getting such an obsessive thing in his life, and he knew it had developed into something unhealthy.

But, the road he seemed to be heading down lately wasn't really healthy either, so if he had to choose between two evils, he would make the choice easy for himself.

There was something about the graveyard that felt strangely reassuring to him. He had been alone for the larger part of his life by now, so he guessed it wasn't actually that weird after all.

This was the place where all his loved ones were gathered. Some people went home for Christmas, Kakashi visited the graveyard.

His only issue with it was that there were no dogs allowed. So, he always had them tied up by a small bicycle-shack with a roof close by. That way, they wouldn't drip all over his floors and get the smell of wet dog all over his furniture when they got back home if it was raining, on days like today.

It wasn't actually necessary to tie them up like that. They were so used to him doing this that they would sit idly outside and wait patiently, but apparently, most people didn't appreciate eight untied mutts left unattended in the middle of the street.

All the dogs were given energetic ruffles on their heads as he left them behind, praising them for being good boys and girls and assuring them that he'd be back soon.

He shuffled his way through the wet grass, hands deep inside his pockets and head bowed. His posture had always been poor, but the heaviness to his shoulders seemed especially pressing this day.

The trail he knew by heart was muddy, and water seeped into his boots as he walked fixedly towards the first of his four stops.

The first headstone was small and squared, with several small butterflies engraved into the hard surface, above where the name, birthday and date of death was written in a beautiful, dreamingly cursive.

“I didn't bring you flowers today,” he mumbled, suddenly regretful. “Sorry.”

He shuddered slightly and looked over his shoulder, making sure that he was the only one there. That was why he usually chose to leave in the mornings for his visits. He hated the way people looked at him curiously while he tended to the small flowerbeds and talked out loud to the ghosts of his past.

Somehow, it seemed like he stuck out like a sore thumb whenever he visited this place. Something about a somewhat young man, visiting gravesites always gathered many unwanted stares, sad faces, dripping with disgusting, degrading pity...

Heavily, he dropped himself down into a lotus position, uncaring of how the wet ground bled through his jeans and made him feel chilly and uncomfortable.

It didn't matter.

_ Being six feet under was probably much colder and unpleasant than he could possibly be feeling, either way, so he wouldn't complain. _

He sighed heavily before he continued his monologue.

“I wasn't going to come here today. I haven't been around much lately, have I?”

He let a lengthy silence draw out, almost expecting to hear her comforting voice whisper '_ it's okay' _somewhere close to his ear. But, he hadn't heard her voice in nearly seven years, and he wouldn't hear it again today.

“Sorry,” he repeated quietly and hung his head in shame. “I just really needed to talk to you...”

As his voice broke off, he tried to hide it with a cough.

Kakashi sat there in silence for a long time, breathing through the hurt that clawed inside his chest, and the load that felt like lead weighing down his heart, threatening to rip it out and offering it up right then and there to the grave of his late childhood sweetheart.

One last husky breath tore through his body before he felt stable enough to continue.

“My coworkers are worried about me,” he scoffed humourlessly. The words felt bitter and left a bad taste in his mouth. _ (Like barbed wire tangled around his tongue, bleeding and tearing his throat to oblivion as he tried to stomach the embarrassment and shame of him concerning people who, for some unimaginable reason, _ cared _ about him.) _

“I just want to continue on with my life without being reminded about my shortcomings _every_ fucking day, you know? I know I can't... _ignore _it- not really but, I... I just want to go _one_ day without being treated like I'm some fragile little... _boy_ that needs to be handled with caution so it won't shatter_._”

He uttered a long sigh as yesterday's events rose up in his memory, and he dragged a hand across his face.

“I scared Anko away,” he chuckled bitterly and shook his head. “I suggested she spend the night. I don't know what came over me. I know I can't afford to start caring for someone again. I can't afford to lose more people... I know you'd wack me over the head if you could for saying that...”

“..._fuck, _how I wish you were here to smack some sense into me right now.”

Pointing his nose to the sky, he closed his eyes and felt the raindrops pour down his face. It was cold and refreshing and hid the tears that threatened to trail down his cheek expertly.

“...and Akatsuki has come back to Konoha. I think they're looking for me... I'm not really scared, I'm just... I'm worried about... the people I have left. I'm scared that they'll get hurt because of me.”

_ Like you did. _

Kakashi subconsciously touched the fabric covering his scarred eyelid. Then, he plucked a couple of weeds from the small flowerbed in front of her grave.

“It's too late now anyway...” he murmured absentmindedly. “I don't think I even _can _love anyone anymore. I know you hate when I say that, but I was broken long before you... left. Before I even met you, really. I think you were the only one who could have saved me.”

Kakashi stared at his hands for a moment before he shifted his legs from under him and got back up.

“I guess that's my own fault...”

Once more, he tucked his freezing hands inside his moist pockets.

“Well, I should go on. I still need to visit with Obito, Minato-sensei and...” he hesitated for a moment, scratching the back of his head before pocketing his hands. “...yeah, I'll see you soon. I promise I'll bring you some daffodils the next time.”

He always felt bad when he turned his back and walked away from her final resting place. As if she didn't want him to go, but he still abandoned her. A heavy sadness fell upon him like a landslide and settled itself in the pit of his stomach. This was why he had to stop going here. It was just too painful to leave.

* * *

Kakashi had stopped by Obito and his former teacher's graves. Like always, he'd told them a little about what was going on in his life lately. But, there was something different about this time. He also had updates about _ their _families.

He had explained to Obito that his nephew, Sasuke, and Minato, that his son, Naruto, were both placed in his class this year. Also, he gave them his word that he would tell them more about how they were doing as soon as he'd gotten to know them better.

After stepping away from Minato's stone, he realized that the already thick rain had picked up and he was soaked through the bone. The anguish at the bottom of his abdomen felt abundant, and his legs had stopped moving without his consent.

Subconsciously, he had turned to walk the opposite way from his final destination.

_ Again. _

That one was also usually pretty hard, for an entirely different reason. While Rin was painful to leave behind, his father was almost beyond the bounds of possibility. The complex whirlwind of emotions he felt towards his father was too great for him to even start to comprehend.

_ The anger, hurt, deprivation, hopelessness, guilt, and pain. _

He couldn't go there. Not today.

_ Maybe not ever. _

So he decided not to.

With self-condemnation added to his already unstable mental state, he turned his back on his father once again and left the cemetery with weighty strides and started working on his slow descent into apathy once again.

* * *

As usual, his trip to the cemetery left him late for class.

Fifteen minutes late, he burst through the halls, coming to a stop outside of his classroom. He heard the chaos of pre-pubescent voices, talking over each other and a paper plane came flying through the narrow gap of the door. Peeking inside, he could see that several of the students had changed their places, and some were seated on top of their desks.

Instinctively, Kakashi wanted to get mad. To yell at them to settle down and get back to their spots (_ that was the only way he could remember their names _)- but he realized that he had this coming.

“All right, playtime's over,” he announced as he pushed the door open entirely, pausing, as something bumped off his head. The offending object bounced off his unruly hair and left him in a dusty cloud of white dust. The dried sponge rolled across the floor as a single loud, obnoxious laughter roared through the classroom.

Tiredly, Kakashi looked at his students, who were all frozen in place- waiting expectantly on his reaction.

Only one kid had clear issues with keeping his mask of innocence. A certain spiky-haired blonde.

“I hate you all already.”

* * *

Despite a rocky start on the day, the following two hours went by uneventfully. The kids were behaving as well as could be expected of twenty-five hormonal teenagers, and his headache was at a bare minimum. As the bells chimed out for recess, Kakashi got his things together, heading for the teacher's lounge.

For the third and fourth periods, he was supposed to assist in gym class with Asuma, but for once, he would listen to Tsunade and take it easy. Maybe he would actually get some work done? Getting an early start at the next week’s syllabus, instead of throwing something together last minute, perhaps?

With a cup of coffee and a belated breakfast, he started working vigorously, with a nap on the couch.

* * *

The next hours went by in a flash, and he startled a little as the door to the teacher's lounge was opened hard-handedly.

Fidgety, he picked himself up and sat as stoically and ‘_ not-someone-who-just-napped _ \- _ ly’ _ as possible.

Asuma got seated heavily on the yellow couch beside him, head rested in his hands and looked even worse for wear than Kakashi did.

"Are you okay?" Kakashi asked, frowning as his muscled buddy was leaning heavily into the couch.

The big man looked up, his expression softening when he saw who was talking to him.

"Kakashi," he sighed. "It's just you.”

Kakashi scowled at the large chain-smoker. As someone who'd smoked for nearly 15 years, he was in impeccable shape with big bulging muscles. But, he looked tired and rested his head on the backrest.

"Yeah, I'm okay," Asuma finally said. "It's just... with you out for the day, I got the sub."

Kakashi looked at him without understanding. Asuma caught his inapprehensible expression.

"You know, _the sub,_" he elaborated darkly.

Kakashi's eyes widened, his pupils narrowing. This was _not _the day for this_. _

As if on cue, the door behind him flew open with the most youthful energy.

"A-HA! There you are my newly appointed, substitute-eternal-rival!" the man that had entered the room yelled ceremoniously and pointed towards Asuma, who crumbled in his seat. Kakashi stood stiff and unmoving with his back against the man, as if, if he didn't move, he might not realize he was there.

"You exuded _such _youthful energy in class! You certainly are a gloriously youthful, strong man, just like myself-" he cut himself off as he noticed the rigid man, slightly to his left.

"KAKASHI! MY TRUE ETERNAL RIVAL, THERE YOU ARE!"

Before Kakashi could jolt, the raven-haired man with the magnificent bowl-cut hugged Kakashi tightly, eventually lifting him off the ground in a bone-crunching embrace as he twirled them around a couple of times. To the untrained eye, it might look like the beautiful, green beast had attacked Kakashi- but it truly was his ultimate sign of affection.

Kakashi could only sigh- _ mainly _because he was utterly exhausted already, and just _a little bit _because the overly excited man had knocked the air out of him.

“H-hi... Gai,” Kakashi stuttered out in a strangled voice while trying to catch his breath. His gaze trailed desperately to Asuma, begging for help, but the large man was looking quite content in his seat, not being the subject of the eager man's affection anymore.

“Oh, I missed you in class! _ This _ majestic specimen told me you had been quite unwell, old friend!”

“I'm fine,” Kakashi wheezed while he started to wiggle out of his distant friend's grip. Examining Gai’s face, he could see just the slightest twitch in his dazzling smile. 

_ 'Oh, no… It's going to happen... isn't it?' _

“But you were indeed absent for gym, were you not?” the green-clad man retorted in great concern.

_ '5-4-3’' _

“It was nothing, just a headache, so Tsunade told me to take it easy for a few days.”

_ '...2-1' _

The leotard-wearing man started to bawl.

“Oh, my beautiful friend, why must you hurt so much?” the man cried and fumbled desperately for another embrace, but Kakashi stopped him with a reassuring pat on the shoulder.  
  
Two wide black orbs stared back at him, fighting a heroic battle to stop the current that ran down his face. Apparently, he did not come out victorious, as he slapped Kakashi’s hand away and attacked him again.  
  
“Kakashi! Why must you be so cool?”

Kakashi only squeezed his eyes tightly in response to the violent hug, waiting patiently to be put back down on the ground. This really wasn’t an unusual occurrence.   
  
Realizing it wasn’t going to happen without mediation, Kakashi intervened.

“Yeah, okay, okay. Let me down,” he cooed his sobbing friend with a stiff smile, patting his head soothingly while simultaneously starting to feel claustrophobic from the forced bodily contact. 

Gai had always worn his heart on his sleeve, a trait that Kakashi usually valued immensely, mostly because it seemed impossible to do himself, and Gai… Gai was something else. 

Finally, the mighty beast in green lowered Kakashi to the ground and let go of his reluctant form, wiping a tear from his eye in an honest try to get a hold of himself. 

“I’m fine, Gai. I… I had a migraine, that’s all,” Kakashi tried to reassure him, patting him on his shoulder. 

Gai paused his tear-wiping and looked at his old friend, suddenly bursting into a lighthearted laugh. 

“Of course! My rival always persevere!” he glowed with a brilliantly white smile and gave him the thumbs up. 

Kakashi massaged his neck uncomfortably, feeling severely awkward at the exaggerated praise before Asuma came to his rescue. “Well, we have to get going now. You promised to help me with the… ah, the…the...” 

Kakashi could only stand back, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“...the personal thing- _ you know… _” Asuma uttered tryingly, receiving an amused raise of Kakashi’s expressive eyebrow as a reply. 

“Oh, right. The _personal _thing,” Kakashi hummed and managed to wave goodbye before Asuma grabbed a hold of the sleeve of his black sweater and dragged him with him, leaving Gai in the teacher’s lounge with a glittering smile and two thumbs up in his infamous nice guy pose, while uttering phrases about _ ‘how cool and youthful’ _his eternal rival was.

* * *

  
“Holy shit,” Asuma muttered silently as he set the pace quickly to anywhere _far, far away _from the teacher’s lounge. Kakashi couldn’t hold in his chuckles any longer, slightly uncomfortable but highly accustomed to his self-declared rival’s antics. 

“What? Don’t you like Gai?” he asked with a smirk. Asuma looked at him with wide eyes and curved eyebrows, suddenly uncertain of where Kakashi himself stood in the matter of the green beast. 

“I-I mean… there’s nothing _wrong _with him. He’s just a bit… _ wow.” _

Kakashi fully knew that Gai could be a bit much, and he truly wasn’t the person he wanted to deal with today. But it was just _ Gai. _Such a simple man with such simple joys. There was nothing complicated, and certainly nothing malicious about him. He was a firecracker of energy, who truly cared for his friends and family- which sometimes was the same thing.

* * *

The rest of the day went by quicker than he had anticipated, and he had nearly forgotten all about Gai, Anko, and the Akatsuki once he was heading for his car at the end of the day. Only when he caught a glimpse of Anko, walking rapidly over the schoolyard, he remembered his only true wish from the day before. Swallowing his pride, he turned and jogged towards her, calling her name as he came closer. 

“Hey, Anko.” 

She seemed to ignore him for a couple of meters, but stopped and closed her eyes, realizing that there was no point. Reluctantly, she turned towards him with a tired glare. 

“What?” she asked, peeved and folded her arms against her chest, clearly trying to make a shield- a wall between them. Kakashi haltered as he approached her. He had known the feisty woman for some time now, so he knew to not take her apprehensiveness to heart. 

“I was serious when I said I wanted you to take one of the dogs,” he said calmly. “Bisuke likes you a lot, so I’d feel much better if he was with you.” For a moment, she didn’t answer. She only averted eye contact and tried to make up an excuse to leave.

She felt bad about last night. For once, Kakashi had displayed _ some kind of human emotion, _ and she had disregarded it. _ No, actually, she had downright rejected it. _ Like she always did when a man showed her something _ rea… _

“Please,” Kakashi said pleadingly. His dark eye looked more serene than it ever did, and she felt like a monster for luring that out of the usually emotionless man. Sure, she knew The Akatsuki was _ bad, _ but she couldn’t imagine that they wanted anything to do with _ her. Still, his show of worry was touching in a way. _

Finally, she sighed heavily and met his gaze. “Okay. If that makes you feel better, I guess I’ll take the mutt.”

Kakashi, looking slightly offended for a moment by her wording, nodded. “Good. Thank you,” he said softly. “I’m driving if you want a ride to pick him up.” 

Again, Anko exhaled heavily but walked after her silver-haired part time-lover and got into the car. 

The silence lingered as they rode towards Kakashi’s house, about a twenty-minute drive away from the school, but at least she was closer to home. She accepted the drooling flea-bag reluctantly and decided to walk the rest of the way to her own apartment. She figured that the mutt had been cooped inside all day, and she wouldn’t want it to poop all over her flat. 

Once she had returned home, she ate dinner and gave the hound the food she had been given from Kakashi, already portioned for its regular meals a few days ahead with the times written on the bags. Feeling horribly guilty, she realized that Kakashi had really thought this through, but decided to drown the guilt in nearly two bottles of red wine before she felt ready to go to bed. 

Bisuke jumped onto the bed and cuddled up between her legs as she laid on her stomach, resting his head on her butt. 

“You little pervert,” she sighed sleepily, giving him a quick scratch behind his ear and fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that there hasn't been much progress in this chapter. I've been so stuck on it, and now I just really needed to get it out.
> 
> Hopefully, the next chapter won’t take as long as this! I was so inspired by a fic I started to read, and then my computer crashed and I couldn’t find it once it came back to life. Also, I spent an eternity on the first paragraph of this chapter and I have no idea why. Also, I totally forgot my plans with this fic. So, who knows what will happen? I will continue it, however.
> 
> (When I started writing it, I was still really new to Naruto; because I'm old and from a small place in Norway and I didn't even know Pokèmon and Digimon was anime, and W.I.T.C.H was a manga until I was in my twenties.) I'm still fairly new to Naruto though, and still in my twenties and from Norway, but I'm slightly more knowledgable. SLIGHTLY.


	5. Get out of my heart, get out of my head

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure what this chapter is... 
> 
> an update- that's what it is! 
> 
> We have some background story for Kakashi in this AU, and a tiny bit of story progression. I literally had to post this NOW if I wanted to update tonight because our Internet automatically shuts off in ten minutes- which is the amount of time I have to do spell-check! Ready set go!! 
> 
> (which is why I'm sorry if there's any weird phrasings- I can't read through and fix it right now. I'll do it tomorrow!)

The next few weeks went by uneventfully. Kakashi gradually came to know his new students better, and they were just as insufferable as he had expected them to be. A few kids were standing out as especially intolerable, being the Choji boy that always chewed so damn loudly, the Ino girl who would never keep her mouth shut, Shikamaru was a horrible know-it-all, Lee was... downright horrifying, and last but not least, Naruto, who had literally chucked his shoe at him within the first couple of hours after they met. Intentionally or not did not matter- one of these days Kakashi was determined to get his payback. There was technically absolutely nothing in the school's regulations about teachers not being allowed to throw shit at their pupils.

Nothing unexpected had happened with the Akatsuki, either. Nothing at all, actually. Yet, Kakashi did not feel too safe yet. He knew they were only waiting for the media storm to blow over. Anko had returned Bisuke about a week after he had handed him to her- claiming it was staring at her in the shower and accused Kakashi of planting a hidden camera on the mutt. Kakashi had grinned and told her that he would keep that in mind for next time.

After that, they had slept together. They were back to the mindless fucking again, spitting insults at each other in a race to finish first. Kakashi never enjoyed it but endured it as long as it was helping her deal with the struggles of everyday life... in whatever strange way.

Actually, he was not entirely sure it was. He knew that the relationship they had now, would never develop into anything more than this- hate-fucking and pretending to dislike each other. In the end, he knew that they knew too much about each other to work out.  
  
No one who knew the things he had done would ever truly love him. They would never be able to trust him. He was flawed, damaged... _broken_.

And Anko was too. In a different way, even if he did not think she was. Mislead, definitely. Troubled, yes. But not broken. Broken would indicate beyond repair, and that, she was _not_. She was so beautiful, smart and most of all, though as a rock. Nothing could truly break her.

But, he knew she thought she was, and would never tear down the walls she had built around herself to someone like him. She needed someone stronger. Tougher. Better.  
  
Not someone who could bearly get out of bed in the morning.

The autumn weather continued being murky and wet, and Kakashi procrastinated walking the dogs until they were all sitting restlessly by the front door, wagging their tails and panting excitedly every time Kakashi walked by. Eventually he relented. Truly, he loved walking, even running sometimes, in the rain but there was something about the darkness that unsettled him these days. Anything could be hiding in it, and he knew from experience that it was not just him being paranoid.

Especially not if Akatsuki was back.  
  
There was hardly anyone left from his old gang, Anbu. The Akatsuki had made damn well sure of that. Whoever might still be alive had fled the city ages ago. Once upon a time, they had been the only ones even close to rivaling the bloodthirsty group. In fact, Anbu was never really a gang, to begin with. It was just some people gathering a bunch of kids that had nothing left to lose to try and take the Akatsuki down.  
  
In the end, Kakashi could not be sure of who had truly won that war- but it sure as hell was not him.  
  
He tied his boots and slipped on a jacket, clipping on the leaches of the dogs and exited the house. Locking the door, he averted from his usual route. The uneasy feeling simply did not want to go away. The dogs seemed to sense it too, but that was probably because of his own unusual jumpiness.  
  
Lacking any sight of his left eye did not help at all. Having to turn his head all the time made him look slightly mad, but luckily, or unluckily, there were not many people out at this hour, in this weather. The few people who passed him by was equally tired dog owners.

The evening walk slowly turned into a jog. Not because Kakashi had planned on it today, and certainly not because his heavy Dr. Martin-boots was good for running.

It just kinda happened.

He remembered how he used to jolt up the stairs as a child whenever his imagination would run wild and he would get more and more panicked for each step and all of a sudden feeling like he had all the monsters he could even dream up right behind him, not safe until he reached the sanctuary of his bed. Only when cuddled up between the sheets beside his teddy would he feel his pulse slow down, and his dad would come and tuck him in, soothing his tousled hair back with his large calloused hand and assuring him that there was no such thing as monsters.

Kakashi had not been much older when he realized that his father had lied.

That same feeling seemed to creep up on him now. Feeling as if his monsters were tracking him close behind. Only this time, they really were not imaginative at all, and truthfully, he might just have a really good reason to run.

With his breath catching, he did not slow down until he stepped into his drive-way. Opening the gate to the backyard, he unhooked the dogs’ leaches and let them run free into the garden before closing the gate and returned to unlock the front door.

Fumbling around his pockets for the keys, he couldn’t get rid of the feeling of being watched. Before entering, he cast one last glance behind his shoulder. He was sure that the shadow disappearing behind his next-door neighbor’s fence was the lack of light playing tricks on his already impaired vision.  
  
When it happened, it happened so fast that he did not realize that anything had happened at all until he could hear the dogs barking in the backyard and blood gushing down his face.

Still in shock, he backed away, staring blankly at the kunai that had just grazed his cheek and was now stuck in his doorframe. A pale hand came up to wipe at the wound, feeling a large gash embedded into the side of his face, just below his cheekbone. His fingers were covered in blood.

Finally able to break out of his stupor, he wrenched the door open and got inside, hurrying to lock the security-lock and ran through the house to let the dogs inside his backdoor, locking that too.

He grabbed a rag and held it to his cheek, moving into the bathroom to assess his injury. The cut looked deep, but he had never been good at determining if it needed stitches or not. The last thing he wanted was another large scar on his face to gather attention. Not that it was much he could do with it now anyway. If this had been the work of the Akatsuki, he knew that they had missed intentionally. This had been some sort of warning. Yet, even if he was pretty sure they were not going to try and kill him tonight, it would be a bad idea to go back outside if they were watching his house.  
  
Well then, there was only one thing to do. From his experiences, being “unsure if it needs stitches” meant, “would definitely need stitches”. Because usually, “probably _won't _need stitches” meant “definitely need stitches” too.  
  
Looking through his medicine cabinet, he found the suture kit Rin always insisted he should have in handy. He could probably do this. There had been a few times he had stitched himself up in the past, but never in the face. It was simple, he just needed to think opposite of what he saw in the mirror.

As long as you were not bothered by pain, stitching yourself up was easy. The moment you got past the mental barrier of pinching a needle through your own skin, it was... fine. Fine-ish.

Kakashi bandaged his cheek with a long band-aid, already dreading all the questions he would get at work.

* * *

  
For once, Kakashi felt as if he had a real reason to not be able to fall asleep. He was pretty sure that no one would try anything tonight, probably not at all actually. They had conveyed their message loud and clear. Not that they needed to. Kakashi had not and would not ever, now nor then, tell the police anything about the Akatsuki. After the incident with his father and the force, he had no trust in them anyway.

_They had been working on a case. His father, Sakumo, was a seasoned and well-respected Captain at that point and had served on the force since he retired from the army. Kakashi was so proud of his father- he was a hero! And not one of those fictional cartoon heroes. A real-life hero, with medals and badges and everything. All Kakashi wanted was to be like his father. _

_But one day, his father did not come home when he had said he would. Kakashi was only six, and waited patiently, albeit a bit worried with dinner ready. It was not anything fancy. Just a simple fish dish he had learned how to make for those days when Sakumo had to work overtime. Kakashi had even fished the fish himself!  
  
Finally, Kakashi had decided to just eat and start on his homework. He felt uneasy by the fact that his father had not called to let him know he would be late like he usually would but brushed it off as being some important break and his father being too carried along. _

_Then, the doorbell had rung. Something inside Kakashi's chest broke then- something that had never truly healed. He was ready for the news. Ready for one of his father's coworkers to stand there and tell him that his father, like his mother, had died. _

_But it was not one of his father's colleagues. It was the man from the youth center where Kakashi had stayed from time to time when his father had a hard time dealing with mother's death. Minato, Kakashi remembered his name to be.  
  
“Oh, good evening, Minato-senpai,” Kakashi had said uncertainly, trying to peer behind his back. “What are you doing here?”  
  
“Kakashi-kun,” Minato had smiled. Still, something in those cerulean eyes was not convincing Kakashi one bit. Something bad had happened. “I talked to your father-”  
  
A bit of the ice that had solidified inside of Kakashi's chest had melted then, but he was not naïve. Something was still very wrong.  
  
“-and he wished for me to bring you with me for the evening while he settles something down at the station.” _

“_Why?”  
  
“Excuse me?”  
  
“Why did he ask you to come and get me? He's never done that before. Usually, he just calls to let me know he won't be coming home. Something happened.”  
  
Minato's expressive eyes worried and looked away uncertainly. Kakashi was used to making adults feel uncomfortable. At age six he was already being taught at a high school curriculum, and he was holding back to not gather too much attention to himself. _

“_Listen, Kakashi-kun. I think it is better if you talk to your father in the morning. Tonight, I will be taking you home to stay the night with me and Kushina-” _

“_Home with you?” Kakashi spat. Something was definitely wrong. Very, very, very wrong. “Is dad okay? What is going on? I need to know, right now!” _

_The tall, blonde man sighed and rubbed his neck. “Maaa- I don't know Kashi. Sakumo told me not to say anything...”  
  
“I don't care! I'll take the blame for that. You need to tell me what's going on right now or... or, I'll refuse to come with you!” Tears prickled in the small child's eyes- tears that would not spill over, not until months later. _

_Minato watched him cautiously. Kakashi had always been different- older. But he was so tiny...  
  
“Okay,” Minato relented, reluctantly. “But don't worry, okay? I'm sure he will get all of this sorted out, but...” Minato looked away, unable to watch those large doe-eyes straight on as he told him.  
  
“Kakashi, your father has been arrested.”_

* * *

Kakashi threw himself off the bed entirely when he startled awake. Another nightmare- but at least he had slept. Glancing at his alarm clock, he could indeed confirm that he had, in fact, overslept. _  
_

  
Class was starting in ten minutes, and with his fifteen minutes drive, he was sure to be late. He scrambled off the floor and headed for the bathroom. Apparently, his stitching had not been great. Some blood had seeped through the band-aid during the night. He ripped it off with a grimace, cleaning it and replaced the bandage, hoping it would not continue to bleed throughout the day.

Quickly, he got dressed while the coffee was brewing. The dogs would have to do their duties in the garden this morning, and he decided against his better judgment to keep the backdoor open so they could go in and out as they pleased. The gate from the front of his house could be locked, not that it did any good if someone would want to get in- but neither was his security locks. Not when the Akatsuki was concerned.

Hastily, he grabbed his thermo-cup and filled it to the rim, pouring the rest of it into his thermos and headed out the door.  
  
Kakashi was actually fairly proud of himself when he got to class only fifteen minutes late, even if it did not stop the ridicule from his students.  
  
“Got lost on the path of life again, Kakashi-sensei?” Shikamaru yawned as he entered.  
  
“Another old lady needing help with her groceries?” Tenten tuned in.

“Maaa,” Kakashi dragged out tiredly. “I needed to save a cat from a tree,” he tried, looking at twenty-five doubtful faces pointed towards him. “the old lady couldn't reach him... with her hands filled with groceries...in a burning building. On the path of life- aaanyway, let's learn some algebra, shall we?”  
  
Ready to start writing equations on the blackboard, he was interrupted by eager whines trying to catch his attention. Exasperated, he sighed before he addressed his student.  
  
“Yes, Sakura?”  
  
“Are you not going to tell us why you have a huge bandage on your face?” she asked, earning mutters of agreement all over the classroom.  
  
“No,” he said determined and looked at his textbook, mirroring the question on the board.

“B-but, you can't just stroll in here with an injury without addressing it,” she complained worriedly.  
  
“I'm not asking why Naruto has a bandage on his nose,” Kakashi retorted dryly.  
  
“I-I've had it for a week,” Naruto mumbled with crossed arms. “Also I've told everyone about how Sasuke-”  
  
“Nobody cares,” Sasuke interrupted urgently, slapping his hand over the teen's mouth.  
  
“I cut myself while shaving, okay?” Kakashi muttered and turned around to face his class. Sakura had crossed her arms and scowled at him.  
  
“I think you're a liar, Kakashi-sensei,” she said with her nose turned up.  
  
“And I think you're a bunch of nosy brats,” Kakashi retorted dully. “Nothing exciting happened, and now we're doing something equally unexciting. Naruto, can you solve the equation on the board?”  
  
Naruto stared at him wide-eyed and pointed desperately towards Sakura. “She was the one who started asking nosily, bratty questions! Why do I have to suffer for it?”


End file.
